Love You
by Pineapple Whimsy
Summary: Humanstuck. "Is it wrong to love someone so much that you won't let them go?"-T plus
1. Chapter 1

**Wh-What? Hey, there, I wasn't planning on writing any Homestuck fanfiction for awhile, but after seeing one of those Ask the Heiress videos, I don't know, I sat down and vomited this onto my screen. All the feels. All of them.  
><strong>**Ummm, and yeah, het is a little out of my comfort zone, but I'll try it out! /thumbsup  
><strong>**I can't believe I'm posting this. So impulsive. o_o  
>Well, I hope you like it, and I'll shut my face now, and so yeah. Enjoy~<strong>

* * *

><p>"Eridan?" the little voice sounded loud in the hall.<p>

****Your name is FEFERI PEIXES. You are SIX YEARS OLD.****

"Eridan, are you alright?" Feferi's huge brown eyes widened at the crumpled boy on her porch. He was panting and clawing at his stomach, eyes huge and teary.  
><strong><strong><br>You have a variety of INTERESTS, being mainly limited to SWIMMING and FISH.****

"F...Fef...," he whined.  
><strong><strong><br>****Feferi turned on her heel and screamed for her mother. Her knees buckled and she sat next to Eridan, stroking his hair. She started to cry as she heard the padding of her mother's socks.  
><strong><strong><br>****"Eridan!" her mother cried, and suddenly, the running was more urgent.  
><strong><strong><br>You live happily with your mother and father, and play in the creek next to your house almost every day. Your best friend, ERIDAN AMPORA, likes to play there with you.****

Eridan was wheezing now, clutching Feferi's hand tightly. He was crying quietly, still clutching his stomach.

"...Eridan, what happened?" Feferi's mother was looking at the curled up boy in horror. Eridan tried to speak but instead, just sobbed.

He shook his head violently, and Feferi's mother ran to the phone to dial 911. In retrospect, Feferi thought that might have been overkill, but oh well. It was a scary situation.

"Fef..." Eridan whisper-moaned, his hair a mess over his eyes. Feferi leaned in to hear him. "Fef...Don't leavve me, okay?"

Feferi was young, and so was Eridan, so neither of them understood the gravity of the statement yet. She smiled hopefully at Eridan now, who had blood running from his lips. She tried hard not to cry. She was a big girl, her mother always told her, and so she had to be strong.

**You don't realize it then, but how you respond to YOUR BEST FRIEND'S WORDS will change everything forever. WHAT DO YOU DO?**

"I'll never leave you Eridan."

Eridan looked up at Feferi, curling his bloody lips into a tentative smile and squeezing her hand.

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is FEFERI PEIXES. You are NINE YEARS OLD. Your time is still preoccupied with FISH, WATER, and SWIMMING.<strong>

Feferi slipped into the cold water, letting it engulf her. It was still April; a bit early for her to be in the water, but she didn't really care. Her parents could only keep her away from her beloved creek for so long.

"Hey, Fef," a voice said above her.

She grinned.  
><strong><strong><br>Your best friend and you have been SWIMMING together for what seems like forever. He seems to have FAMILY PROBLEMS, but you guys don't talk about it much. The ONLY TIME it's ever been a real ISSUE was when he showed up on your doorstep with DAMAGE IN HIS INTERNAL ORGANS. After that, he lived with you and your family for a few weeks.****

"Eridan," she sighed, smiling. He grinned at her brightly in return. "What're you doing here?"

"Wwell, I thought you might be here," he tilted his head to the side, cradling his arms. He peeled off his sweatshirt and looked around. The Creek, as they so creatively called it was secluded, and when the trees around it started to fill in, one could be deceived into believing they were the only one around for miles.

Eridan looked around absently, shifting his too-big glasses awkwardly.

Feferi grinned and immediately launched into some irrelevant story detailing her life. Eridan splashed his feet in the water and smiled, occasionally nodding and adding in a word or two.

**Eridan, YOUR BEST FRIEND, tends to get bullied a lot at school. For the way he DRESSES, for the way he WALKS, and for the way he TALKS. He has a very noticeable SPEECH IMPEDIMENT, making his w's and v's difficult for him to pronounce.**

**You are basically Eridan's ONLY FRIEND, and ever since you promised him YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE HIM, you two have basically been inseparable.**

"Hey, Fef," Eridan suddenly broke in, interrupting your story. Feferi didn't mind much; she mostly talked to fill in the empty space between them. Eridan often told her that he liked hearing about her life, so she always made sure to tell him everything.  
><strong><strong><br>****"Yeah?" she asked, unsurprised by his interruption.

"I'm glad we're friends."

"Me, too, Eridan!" Feferi laughed. "Why would you say something so serious at a time like this?"

"Because thanks to me, you don't have any friends."

This froze Feferi. She bobbed in the water slowly, suddenly realizing that her feet didn't quite reach the floor of The Creek.

She looked at Eridan carefully, his small, thin frame and his big owl eyes, so scared and alone. His arms were wrapped himself, as though he was trying to protect himself. He was cloaked in the cool shadows of the trees, standing gently on the leaves, as though not trying to make any noise.

It was true; nobody approached her because of her association with Eridan. But it didn't matter to Feferi. He needed her. She looked him up and down, his vulnerable, trembling body.

Feferi slowly worked up a smile. "...That's alright, Eridan. You're the only friend I need."

She was rewarded by a huge hopeful, sloppy grin on her best friend's face. He impulsively jumped into the water, hugging her tightly. Feferi hoped that Eridan wouldn't be able to sense her sinking heart.

**Sometimes you wonder about Eridan. You wonder about those bruises on his ribs, about those red rimmed eyes. But you don't ask. If Eridan needs you to be there, you'll be there. If he doesn't want you to ask, you won't ask.**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is FEFERI PEIXES. You are THIRTEEN YEARS OLD. Eridan still GETS BULLIED an awful lot. He still HAS A LOT OF UNEXPLAINED BRUISES ALL OVER. You still very much enjoy SWIMMING. You go to The Creek almost every day.<strong>

"Eridan!" Feferi cried. She saw him in the school hallway and promptly ran over and swung her arms around him. The last bell had just rung, and Feferi was relieved to see him after the exhausting day.

"Fef!" Eridan nearly fell over, and tried to steady himself and Feferi.

"Whatcha doin', Er-i-dan?" Feferi tried to stifle her inevitable giggle.  
><strong><strong><br>You are still best friends with ERIDAN AMPORA. He has gotten over his SPEECH IMPEDIMENT, but it doesn't stop him from being an OUTCAST. However, you still stick by him no matter what. That's what best friends do, after all.****

"Jeez, Fef, would you calm down?" he muttered, eyes darting around the room. Feferi bristled at his harshness, but understood that he didn't really mean it.

She broke out into another huge smile, trying to hide her disappointment. She had gotten used to the Two Eridans, as she called it. The one she had befriended in childhood with his hopeful eyes and bright laughs, and the surly, churlish boy who sullenly glared at everything and everyone. She hadn't seen the first in a very long time.

They walked out of the school together as usual, sauntering to their houses. Feferi popped a lollipop into her mouth and peeked at Eridan.

So what if nobody talks to you when Eridan is around? It's alright; you don't need them. All you need is Eridan.

He looked a bit scary, eyes half-lidded and tired. Deep, dark half circles puffed underneath his eyeballs.

He had been acting strange lately, Feferi noticed. It made her feel helpless, watching him be like this. It seemed like ever since they had been little, there was something off about Eridan, something broken. His little timidity had long since vanished though, replaced by deep cynicism.

Feferi sucked in some of the artificial blueberry juice out of the lollipop hanging limply in her mouth. She let it coat her tongue, the roof of her mouth, her inner cheeks, everything, everything, drowned and coated in refined sugar. She didn't want to think about this; she didn't want to think about how heavy her heart felt with Eridan lately. She missed his shy smile, his guffawing laugh.

"Hey, Fef..." Eridan said slowly, stopping in his tracks. He looked at her, shadows falling across his face and scattering his image. "Check this out."

Something about the tone in his voice made Feferi stop walking, too. She felt a pang of fear when she looked at Eridan's quiet smirk. He reached into his bag, and slowly pulled out something black and sleek.

Everything felt like it was moving too slowly, like they were underwater. Feferi's body wouldn't move as fast as she needed to, her lips wouldn't form the desperate words that needed to be said.

"Eridan!" Feferi shrieked, horrified. Was that a...gun? Eridan turned to her, looking crazed.

"We're better than them, Fef, don't you see? They sit there and judge and criticize, but we both know we're better than _all _of them!" Eridan slipped the gun back into his messenger bag and grabbed Feferi's shoulders.

"Please tell me you understand, Fef. Please," Eridan tapped his forehead to Feferi's shoulder. "Please."

"Er...idan," Feferi was shocked to feel herself trembling. She started to cry, loudly, blue juice dripping from her lips. The lollipop rolled around on the dirty ground.

She felt hopeless, not knowing what to do. How could she fix Eridan, how could she help? Her broken friend. She had given up everything for him. Why couldn't she help? Why couldn't she make him happy?

"Fef, Fef, please, I'm sorry, please don't cry. Listen, Fef, please, please, stop," Eridan begged, shaking her forcefully. "Look at me, Fef, look, please."

Feferi finally forced herself to look at Eridan, who was trembling and shaking, tears running down his face.

"F-Fef, please, listen, sometimes, I get so c-carried awway, and I don't knoww wwhat to do, and I don't knoww wwhat to think or say, and I'm just so sick of bein' a loser. Please, Fef, that wwas too much, but you can't cry, I can't make you cry, I can't stand to hear you cryin'," Eridan was sobbing, and his speech impediment was re-emerging. Feferi took a few moments to re-collect herself, to gulp in the fresh air.

"It's okay, Eridan. Just promise me you won't try to hurt people, okay? We're not better than anybody else, and people...They're not bad, they just don't understand you. But I do, so it's okay, right?" Feferi grabbed Eridan's face and made him look at her. "It'll be alright, okay?"

Eridan's bottom lip trembled and he hugged her, burying his face in her collarbone.

Feferi was reminded of her words when Eridan was lying on her doorstep.

_"I'll never leave you Eridan."_

She stroked Eridan's hair and smoothed it out. Sometimes, she could tell that he had been tugging at it obsessively. When he got stressed enough, he would just yank at it.

"Fef...Please don't leavve me."

Feferi paused and took a huge breath.****  
><strong>**

"Never," she choked out.

Despite her skilled swimming and her love of the water, right now she felt like she was drowning. For the first time ever,

****You feel like you are DROWNING.****

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is FEFERI PEIXES. You are SIXTEEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

Feferi basically charged down the stairs, tears prickling the backs of her eyeballs. She skidded by the kitchen, nearly crashing into her mother.

"Feferi?" her mother grabbed her arm half-heartedly and frowned. Staring at her daughter intently, she finally released Feferi. "I'll have some cookies ready for when you come home," her mother forced out the words.

Feferi said nothing and instead darted out of the front door, slamming it.

**You just got into ANOTHER FIGHT with your best friend, ERIDAN AMPORA. It happens a lot now.**

Feferi was running now, trampling over the dead leaves. She wasn't wearing a bathing suit, but she didn't care. She would jump into The Creek fully clothed if she had to. She just needed to swim, to not think. She didn't want to think.

_"Fef, I still don't get why you don't want me to just roll up to school one day and just take everyone out."_

It made her blood feel like ice, heavy in her veins. She knew Eridan would do it if she asked him to. If she gave him her approval, he would walk into the school and shoot everyone he saw. He would be a murderer. Just like that-that easily.

She knew he didn't mean it; she knew that he was fond of people there, like Karkat and Kanaya, even if he would never, ever admit it. He denied ever speaking to them, but Feferi knew better. So it was scary to hear him talk. Sometimes he said he wanted to disappear, other times, he redirected the hate towards everyone else. Everyone except for Feferi.

_"Eridan, listen, we're not better than them-"_

_"Are you still gonna say they don't, 'understand me'? Is that what you were gonna say, Fef?"_

Nobody could possibly understand Eridan the way Feferi did. No one would put up with his antics and his theatricalities besides her. He was high-maintenance to say the least.  
>Every friend she ever made was driven away by his overbearing neediness, by his overwhelming possessiveness.<p>

And soon, it seemed like all of her conversations with Eridan turned into a fight. It took Feferi's breath away, this boy. All of his anger, his contempt.

He had never had a crush, never looked at anyone, never tried to befriend anyone besides Feferi. He insisted that he only needed her. It was unsettling to have that sort of responsibility shifted onto her shoulders. What if later, she needed more? What if she ever fell in love? What if, what if? What would Eridan do? She wanted to just live in the moment, but Eridan wouldn't allow it. Everything was just so serious with him. Everything was so tiring and lagging.

And now here she was, sixteen years old, the last decade of her life spent on him. Never had a real friend, never had a boyfriend-or a girlfriend, for that matter, never made any legitimate, lasting relationship with anyone.****  
><strong>**

What did it mean?

Feferi finally made her way into the clearing of The Creek. She figured that Eridan probably hadn't been there in awhile, which made her a little bit sad, but she didn't really mind so much. More time to herself.

She suddenly stopped dead in her steps. Across the way, she could see a hunched over figure dipping its fingers into the water.

Could it be?

"Eri-" Feferi stopped her words though, because even from this distance, she could see that it wasn't Eridan. This boy had a different frame, a different aura.

He looked up, mouth quirked in a slanted line.

**You go to THE CREEK to blow off some steam, but it appears there is a STRANGER THERE.**

"Oh, I'm sorry," Feferi said softly, retreating a bit. She had learned not to speak to people, because when she did, Eridan always got mad. "I didn't know someone was here."

The boy on the other side of The Creek stood up slowly and stared at Feferi. She couldn't see his eyes; they were covered by a pair of glasses, one lens red, the other blue.

"Hey, I know you," he said quietly. He shoved his hands in his pockets nonchalantly and frowned. "F...Feferi, is that right?"

Feferi started. She had become essentially invisible in the last few years. Everyone knew she was unapproachable, and it was as though she had been marked as a leper. She could engage in some friendly conversation occasionally, but in general, nobody spoke to her, looked at her, nothing. No one thought of her.

"Yes, my name...is Feferi," she smiled despite herself. The boy grinned in response. He looked down and slowly made his way across The Creek, stepping gingerly on the several rocks in the water. When he was finally on a large rock in front of Feferi, he thrust out his hand.

"My name is Sollux," he said. "Sollux Captor."

The name sounded vaguely familiar. She thought she had heard his name before-at school, maybe. Feferi hesitantly reached out her hand to shake his. Sollux's fingertips were still a bit moist from the water, and it felt comforting to her. She beamed at him.

"It's nice to meet you, Sollux."

He leaped down off the rock and sat down on the dirt next to Feferi. He patted the ground next to him, looking up at her expectantly.

**As previously mentioned, there's a kind STRANGER here at The Creek. He's introduced himself to you, and seems to GO TO YOUR SCHOOL. Now he's inviting you to speak with him.**

**WHAT DO YOU DO?**

Feferi took the seat next Sollux and smiled at him again.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, this was impulsive! : I haven't written anything in awhile, so this was unexpected...  
><strong>**/coughcough  
>If you like it...Please leave a review so I can receive feedback. Because it's helpful. And stuff. And it feeds my ego. So, please review! ;_;<br>/cough.  
><strong>**Thank youuuu~~~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi therrre. Thank you for all the reviews, I wasn't really expecting this to get good feedback.  
><strong>**Or any feedback...o_o  
>So seriously, thanks.<br>I tried to update yesterday, but...Well, even the best laid plans, I suppose...  
><strong>**Well...I guess that's all! Thanks and please enjoy. oAo**

* * *

><p>The water was cool on Feferi's skin, trembling, slipping, sliding off of her body. She felt like a bullet, disrupting the flow of the clear liquid.<p>

Her favorite thing to do though was to try to go with it, _flow, u_ntil she was undetectable. Until she became a part of the water herself, and no one would be able to tell she was down there.

Feferi kicked her feet gently, very gently and bobbed with water, melting into the droplets. She couldn't feel anything but the sensations rolling over her, filling her up with nothingness-no thoughts, no troubles, no pain. Just water, like burn cream for her heart.

**Your name is Feferi Peixes. You are SIXTEEN YEARS OLD.  
><strong>  
>Finally, Feferi became conscious again and resurfaced. She barely needed to breathe now, being able to stay underwater for minutes at a time. She gasped in the air, so harsh and so necessary.<p>

"FF?"

Feferi didn't need to turn around to see who it was.

"Sollux," she giggled, turning to face him.

**You have been meeting a classmate named SOLLUX CAPTOR here for about TWO WEEKS now.  
><strong>  
>He was kneeling on the dirt in front of the crystal waters, smirking and dipping only two fingers in the water, as usual.<p>

"What's up?" he asked, like he asked every day.

Feferi remembered when she had come back the first time, feeling sad again. It had been three days after initially meeting Sollux.

And her shock when she found him, his back turned to her as he stared off into the trees, looking at...what? What had Sollux been looking at that day, as he hypnotically ticked his head back and forth?

He had been there every day since then, faithfully, never failing. Always.

"FF?" he asked her, peering at her. "You okay?"

Feferi smiled widely at him, snapped back to attention. "Yeah! Never better!"

**You are still BEST FRIENDS with ERIDAN AMPORA, so you feel a little bit GUILTY about spending so much time with Sollux.  
><strong>  
>Sollux cocked his eyebrow in disbelief and stared at her for a few moments, looking her face up and down. When he finally decided that the issue wasn't worth pursuing, he broke a leaf off of a branch and fiddled with it.<p>

"God, I hate nature."

Feferi rolled her eyes, grinning. "Then why do you even bother coming here?" She flipped back into the water, lying on her back comfortably. The cool air blew over her hot skin, soothing her like aloe.

Sollux didn't answer immediately, instead, inspecting the leaf. "It's boring at home. Plus, I don't know, I kind of like it _here_."

Feferi looked at Sollux, whose brows were now furrowed in intense concentration on the leaf. He didn't seem like he was going to elaborate any further.

Suddenly, Feferi's phone began to vibrate on the ground, a few feet away from the water. She looked at it, then at Sollux.

She didn't have to check it to know who was texting her. And neither did Sollux.

Sollux, without breaking his gaze at the leaf, snatched the phone off the ground and tapped the cover. Finally, he broke his hynotic fixation with the leaf and focused intently on the screen.

His mouth twitched almost undetectably. It perked into something resembling a wry smile, and Feferi held her breath, waiting for his reaction.

"What an asshole," he breathed, tapping in a response without waiting for Feferi's approval. Her eyes widened.

"Sollux! What are you doing?" Feferi flapped her right arm around desperately.

Sollux smirked and leaned back, backing away from her. "Nothing much."

"That's my _phone_!" she lunged for him, grabbing her towel. "Give it back!"

She quickly crawled over to him, leaning in her head to get a better look at what he was doing.

"Shit, FF, you're all wet!" he cried, smoothing Feferi's hair back. Her long hair had drenched him, and for some reason, this made her really giddy.

Although, a lot of things made her really giddy.

"Oh, you don't like water?" she giggled, making a big show of wringing out her hair over his legs.

He playfully shoved her away, laughing. "Get your swimmer ass out of here, FF!"

Her heart panged again, pleasantly, unfamiliarly, as it had been doing a lot with Sollux lately. When was the last time she had laughed so freely, played so unabashedly?

When was the last time she had felt so _happy_?

"What's Eridan _saying?_" Feferi asked, finally contented as she squeezed the remaining water droplets from her hair onto Sollux's head. He wiped his hair obsessively, shaking off the water.

"The usual. Still don't know why you hang around this douche so much. I mean seriously," Sollux muttered, shaking his head. "Wweh wweh, I'm Eridan, and I can't stop w-whining about ev-very little goddamned thing that doesn't go exactly my w-way!" He flapped his arms around in the air, emphasizing all of the "wweh's."

"Stop that!" Feferi frowned. "First of all, he doesn't even have that speech impediment anymore. Plus, he's not like that! He's had a rough time."

Sollux feigned a huge, disinterested yawn. "Who cares? We all have tough shit going on. He just thinks he's better than everyone on the face of the fucking planet, so obviously, his problems matter way more than everyone else's."

Feferi couldn't argue with that. Because she knew Sollux was right. Eridan may have had problems, but so did other people. It wasn't like his problems were inherently more important than anyone else's, but he sure acted like it.

Sometimes, Feferi wondered if maybe the reason that Eridan acted like that was because she had enabled him to.

"FF?"

What if, by her always being at his beck and call, she had made him believe that he was more valuable than other people? Was it her fault that he was like this?

"Hey, FF?"

Had she made him worse off than he already was?

_"Eridan, it's okay! They just don't understand you, that's all!" _

How many times had she said that?

How many times had she spoon fed him, stroked his ego? How many?

**It's hard sometimes. To know that it could be YOUR FAULT. ALL YOUR FAULT. It could be ALL THANKS TO YOU that Eridan can't handle anything. You thought you were being a good friend, thought you were doing the right thing.**

"FF!" Sollux was suddenly inches away from her face, mildly annoyed and yelling.  
><strong><br>But what if you were wrong?**

"Huh?" Feferi felt dazed, taking a moment to register her surroundings.

"I told him you'd be there soon, so come on. You gotta get going, not chilling out in la-la land or whatever the fuck," Sollux flicked her forehead gently.

"Oh. Okay," Feferi looked down, shame burning in her chest. She felt bad, always ditching Sollux. It had happened nearly every day, but at least he seemed to understand.

She stood up and robotically slipped on her black dress over her bathing suit, towelling off her long, tangled curls.

"See ya tomorrow, Sollux," Feferi summoned all of the good vibes she had left in her body and flashed him a huge smile. It was always sad to leave him. Something about the magical quietness of The Creek, the safety she felt there, the warmth she felt with her new friend, the association she had with Sollux and The Creek, something about it all made her incredibly reluctant to leave.

"See ya, FF," Sollux waved lazily, barely looking at her. Feferi turned and ran, ran up the hill and down the winding dirt roads to her house, to Eridan's house. To what was slowly beginning to feel like a prison.

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is FEFERI PEIXES. You are SIXTEEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

"Sollux? Sollux _Captor_? No way."

"No, I'm serious! I swear to _God_."

"He's...no, that can't be true!"

**It is a MONDAY back at school, always a bad day for you. You are too SLEEPY to think much.  
><strong>  
>However, this conversation she was overhearing on this particular Monday morning certainly piqued her interest.<p>

For some reason, the teacher had seated her wedged in a cluster of gossip whores, and for some _other_ reason, said gossip whores didn't seem to believe that Feferi actually had _ears_.

"Did you _see _it, or, like, what happened?"

"Well, you know when Aradia dumped him last month?"

"Yeah, of course, at Nepeta's party! Everyone remembers that," a girl with a high, brunette ponytail giggled shrilly.

"Well," the redheaded girl providing this apparently shocking information rolled her heavily made up eyes dramatically. "Rumor has it that it was because he slept with _Karkat _that night."

"No, there's just no way that Sollux likes guys _and _girls!" the brunette giggled again.

"Well, you know his schtick. _Duality_! I guess that applies to his sexual tastes, too."

"But didn't he sleep with some other chick at that party, too? God, he's such a _slut._" Now, Brunette just rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but he's pretty_ fine_, don't you think?"

"Who cares. I'm glad Aradia dumped him. She's too good for him."

"Yeah, I know. God pity any girl-or guy-stupid enough to actually fall for him. He's just a smart asshole with a hot bod."

"A _bisexual _smart asshole with a hot bod, thank you."

Their conversation basically ended there, with the two girls laughing and turning their attention back to the board.

Feferi felt cold. She desperately wanted to go swimming, to feel her muscles loosen and heat up. To feel like she was washing away everything she didn't like.

This wasn't the first she had heard of Sollux's reputation.

She finally remembered where she had heard his name-pouring out of the mouth of every girl in school. Gushing about his body, about their _experiences _with him.

Feferi didn't know what to think about him anymore.

**It has been ABOUT A MONTH since you first met Sollux, and you two still meet up every single day after school.  
><strong>  
>She couldn't make the two Sollux's match up in her head. It was just like Eridan in a way, the splitness of his personality.<p>

Feferi struggled through her math class to reconcile the egotistical-whore Sollux and the friendly, inquisitive Sollux. By the end of class, all she had accomplished was a muddled mind and a perfectly blank piece of notebook paper.

**You don't know what to BELIEVE anymore.**

* * *

><p>"Fef."<p>

Feferi turned around, taking in first, the black skinny jeans, then the gaudy belt, then the trademark purple scarf.

"Eridan," Feferi smiled brightly at him, earning her a pleased smirk.

He scooted into the chair next to her; it was the last period of the day-history, and Eridan absolutely loved it. It made him a lot more bearable, actually.

Eridan immediately started babbling about some injustice that had been committed against him that day and Feferi nodded absently, mentally taking notes.

Then, Sollux strode calmly into the room, his hallmark red and blue glasses sitting contently on his face.

He glanced at Feferi for a split second and met her gaze. Then, just as quickly, he turned away, without so much as smiling. He sat on the other end of the room, as far as humanly possible.

Very few people sat anywhere close to Feferi, but that was just because Eridan was there, and people saw them as a package. Get one, get the other. Both are useless on their own.

Some people thought they were siblings, other thought they were lovers. Nobody seemed to be able to understand the relationship Feferi had with Eridan-and nobody seemed to want to.

A girl sat behind Sollux, long brown hair gently curling around her back. He turned to her and said something Feferi couldn't hear, and the girl laughed.

Feferi had noticed the girl on the very first day of school, startled by their physical similarities. Even Eridan had noticed it.

Similar in height, build, hair, eyes, everything seemed to mimic each other.

She knew from observation that the girl's name was Aradia. And she knew-also from observation-that Sollux called her AA.

A boy came and slid in next to Sollux-grumpily and annoyed. Sollux turned his attention to the boy-Karkat, Feferi knew.

Eridan had been known to talk to Karkat occasionally. Even though Eridan denied it.

"Hey, look, it's KK!" Sollux teased the boy, punching him repeatedly. The boy growled a loud string of curses and Aradia laughed.

Feferi wondered what it would be like to befriend all these people, what it would be like to talk with others.

But here she was, in the seat pressed again the very darkest corner of the room, Eridan closing her in.

And it darkened Feferi's vision to remember that Sollux had allegedly slept with both Karkat _and _Aradia. So it wasn't a simple friendship thing, if she had heard properly. It was something else, something very different.

But she couldn't put her finger on exactly what.

"Fef, are you even listenin' to me?"

"What?" Feferi looked at Eridan, suddenly feeling consumed by guilt. No, she hadn't been listening to a word he said.

He looked hurt, like a wounded animal. "Sorry, I didn't realize it was such a borin' story."

"No, Eridan! It wasn't! I just got distracted thinking about a test I have to take tomorrow! I haven't even started studying, so I'm stressing a lot about it," Feferi smiled at Eridan again, and comfortingly stroked the purple streak in his hair that had been there since they were children. "I'm sorry for zoning."

"It's fine," Eridan smiled back at her, with teeth and everything. "Do you want me to finish the story?"

"Sure, Eridan. I promise I won't konk out again."

She had almost forgotten her role.

It wasn't to make friends with suspicious people or to investigate some stranger's seedy life. It was to be here with the only person that she knew would never hurt her-someone who was closer than family, and more important than a lover-

Eridan.

Her best friend.

And probably, her only friend.

Sollux would get tired of her.

They all did.

Once they discovered that she wasn't some super mysterious enigma, they all lost interest, and that was when Feferi always realized that they cared more about the mystery that they thought was her rather than what the reality was.

She was a game, a toy, and once they figured her out, she was no longer intriguing.

She was dispensable.

"And so then, this big guy just walks up to me, right? And I'm just floored, Fef, just..."

Feferi smiled and leaned her cheek onto her palm, tuning out the clearly aggravated teacher, and tuning in to her purple haired radio.

Who needed other people?

She had Eridan.

**And that was enough for you. More than enough.  
><strong>  
><strong>It had to be.<strong>

**There was no other option.**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: AND THAT'S A RAP. I hope you liked it, and um...Yes, please REVIEW~~~ 3 3<br>Reviews make me role around on the ground giggling. See you soon~~**

**OH. And PS, those two gossiper girls-they're nobodies. xDD I couldn't think of any characters to replace them with. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Tadaa~ And here it is. This one feels shorter than normal...:/**

**Anyways, I was going to update yesterday, the whole 413 BUSINESS, but I got lazy, and yeaaah...**

**Okay, well, thanks a ton for all the reviews, I appreciate it very much, and I hope you enjoy the chapter~!**

* * *

><p>"No, FF, come on."<p>

"Soll-ux! Don't be such a _spoil_sport!"

"Nng, _no_, don't touch them! I wear my glasses for a _reason_."

**Your name is FEFERI PEIXES. You are sixteen years old and are currently PESTERING your friend named SOLLUX CAPTOR.  
><strong>  
>Feferi stood and pouted, slapping her hands down to her sides. She stood almost a full head shorter than Sollux, but right now, he was backed up against The Creek, about to teeter into the cold-ass water. So, as she saw things, she had the upper hand.<p>

"Sollux," Feferi thrust out her hand expectantly, waiting. Sollux frowned and shook his head.

"No means _no_," Sollux gently pushed her.

"Take them off."

"Nope."

"Now."

"No."

"Right. Now."

"I said no."

"Sollux."

"Feferi."

The two stared at each other, each trying to intimidate the other. Feferi began to tap her foot in warning as Sollux pouted out his bottom lip in indignation.

"Give 'em here!" Feferi charged Sollux, grabbing his glasses and easily sliding them off. He slipped his arms around her, perhaps trying to keep from falling, but it was absolutely futile.  
>Feferi had practically shoved him into the water.<p>

Sollux's face was a mask of pure fright and shock, while Feferi's was one of stubborn determination. They fell into the water together, with an obnoxiously loud splash.

Sollux gasped for air immediately, thrashing and kicking.

"Sollux, what are you-"

"FF, FF, fuck, FF, _I can't fucking thwim!_" Sollux reached out to her. Feferi would've laughed if it weren't for Sollux's lisp-freak out.

Feferi held Sollux in her arms tightly, hoisting him towards the wall so he could climb back up. He grabbed a fistful of dirt and shoved himself up to the sanctuary of the solidity.

Feferi saw Sollux's face, bangs covering his eyes. He was pale and trembling, holding up a finger to signal for her to wait.

"I-I'm really sorry, Soll-"

"Don't sweat it, FF. It's cool. You didn't know," Sollux smiled lopsidedly at Feferi, slicking his hair back. Feferi stared intently at him for one second, two seconds, three...

"FF? What are you lookin-"

"Your eyes," Feferi breathed, her face slowly cracking into a huge sunshine grin. "They're pretty!"

Mortification shadowed Sollux's face as he blushed and buried his head in his knees.

"Fuck, nobody's seen my eyes before, 'cept for KK. Even AA never saw them, and we dated for, like, _ever_," Sollux shook his head.

But it was too late.

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Sollux's eyes were two different colors. Which seemed to suit him pretty well, actually. They were two startling colors, vibrant and striking, like two jewels nestled on his face. One looked like honey, oozing and dripping and slipping. Flecks of reds and blues, flecks of every color you could think of slid and pooled and congealed. His left eye made you feel like you were melting, like you were turning into a puddle. Like you were being stared at by the sun. Warmth crept into Feferi's stomach, comfort hugged her, making the water feel like brilliance and liquid warmth.

The other was the most unabashedly blue she had ever seen in her entire life. While the hazel-ish gold eye made her feel warm, this one made her feel cool, like air was raking unforgivingly over her. She felt simultaneously warm and cold, looking at his eyes. One was water, soothing and chilled, the other, honey, thick, rich, and warm.

"Why in _God's_name would you keep those covered up," Feferi was awed.

Sollux groaned and looked her straight in the face. She lost the ability to speak, the ability to think. They were freaking inhuman, those eyes. Dumbfounded and slack jawed, she was almost enraged by this dumbass computer hacker.

"That's why. Because people get all annoying about eyes. Like, shit, they're just fucking _eyes,_you know?"

"No, I don't know. My eyes are _bor_-ing, just plain old mucky brown, so I have _no _idea," Feferi giggled, playfully splashing Sollux. He was wringing out his shirt and frowning. His eyebrows knitted together, and he turned his attention to Feferi.

"Can't believe you, so stubborn, FF," he chuckled, finally slipping his shirt off and squeezing the water out of it. Feferi could see the faint outlines and ridges of scar tissue on his back and held her breath.

She had seen those types of marks before.

With Eridan.

It hadn't been the first time she had noticed them, and there had been lots of other little things that had caught her attention. She decided against saying anything. After all, she _had_ just seen something very..._intimate_of Sollux's. Which she personally thought was ridiculous, but it was enough soul-bearing for one day. She would ask him about it later.

In the passing weeks, they had become very close. They spoke primarily of meaningless, trivial things, but the arbitrary frivolities kept them safe from their real problems. And they were both painfully aware of their cowardice, of the fact that they were using each other to avoid something else.

Neither cared. They understood that they would speak of serious matters eventually. But for now, it was nice to pretend that they were both two completely normal teenagers with completely normal concerns.

Feferi didn't have a crazy best friend who hated everything. She wasn't trying to stop him from killing himself everyday or anything. Sollux wasn't the single largest man whore to ever live. People didn't whisper and spread nasty lies about him behind his back. He hadn't been living two lives since he was a child.

Of course not.

Sollux slid back into his shirt and shook the water out of his hair. He turned to Feferi, who was still frozen on her knees, gaping at him. He let his bangs fall over his eyes and gestured to the glasses that were glued in Feferi's hand.

"Can't believe you saw them," Sollux shook his head. "With KK, it made sense, but..."

"Well, I'm just _special_," Feferi stood and grinned. She tossed the glasses to Sollux, lamenting over the covering of those _gorgeous_eyes.

"Yeah, something like that, I guess," Sollux frowned. "How's the douchebag?"

"Don't call him that," Feferi protested. "But he's fine, I guess. The same."

"Overbearing and homicidal, you mean."

Feferi twitched and laughed nervously. "Yeah...he's...I don't know, this morning he was coming up with some crazy plan to bomb the school..."

Sollux rolled his eyes so hard that they almost sank back into his head.

"He'th thuch a-shit, I mean, he's such a loser. _Fuck_," Sollux shook his head for the umpteenth time.

"What? Sollux, why are you lisping?" Feferi was confused, appraising Sollux's demeanor carefully. Then, she finally understood.

"You're the same as Eridan!" she shrieked. "You have a speech impediment, too!"

"Yeah, but I can fucking control it," Sollux shot back. "Don't compare me to _him_."

"Why do you hate him so much anyways? Maybe if you guys got to know each other, you could be friend-"

"No, FF. It's not like I don't know him. We used to be in the same speech class when we were a little, and he was a _complete_asshole. Royal, actually. He was such a prick," Sollux stuck his tongue out.

"You were? He never mentioned that to me!" Feferi exclaimed. "That's so cool!"

Sollux snorted, "Yeah, cool. We've hated each other ever since. Can't even stand to be in the same room with each other. But that's when I first saw you, you know. You came in to come get Eridan, and your hair was tied up in these, like, gravity defying ponytails-it was pretty impressive actually. You were all: _Eri-dan! Come on, Eri-dan!_" Sollux put his hands on his hips during his imitation of Feferi, grinning and swishing his body awkwardly.

"Stop it! I wasn't like that!" Feferi swatted at him. "I don't really remember you...or honestly, anything from that time..." she frowned.

"That's cool," Sollux grinned. "I don't expect you to. I was the lispy, scrawny kid in the back with dumb hair and an oversized inhaler."

Feferi laughed. "And Eridan was the pompous Scottish kid who wore too much purple and sashayed too much."

"Ha, yeah, that's _definitely_accurate."

The two laughed, unable to stop from picturing child Eridan. Feferi tried to recall some memory of Sollux from those times, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not summon any image.

"Fef?"

Sollux and Feferi froze simultaneously. She looked at Sollux, eyes wide with legitimate concern not for herself, but for him.

"Hey, Fef, are you down there?"

From the sounds of it, Eridan was still a significant distance from The Creek, perhaps at the top of the hill. Sollux looked to Feferi in inquiry, essentially asking her what she wanted him to do.

Feferi shook her head lightly and pushed Sollux gently in the direction of a discreet path lined with bushes. Nodding her head encouragingly, she felt immensely guilty shooing him away like this.

She realized that she was basically telling Sollux that Eridan was more important than he was, but they both understood that there was no room for such fraudulent promises. There were no pretenses when it came to the normal world; they were not right for each other, and they shouldn't have become friends in the first place.

They were cohabitates of a friendly, safe fantasy, an escape.

**And that's just how you like it.  
><strong>  
>Sollux understood her body language immediately and dashed away, silently, quickly.<p>

Feferi cast his receding figure one last longing gaze and turned on her heel, running towards Eridan's voice.

"Hey, Eridan, is that you?" she called. "Welcome back, Er-i-dan!"

"Hey, Fef, I was lookin' for you everywhere!" Eridan grinned when he saw Feferi.

She swung out her arms and wrapped them around him, actually somewhat glad to have him there. He was a stable factor in her life, unchanging and completely familiar.

He felt warm in her arms, unusually so.

Feferi buried her head in his shoulder, wishing that things could be simpler.

* * *

><p>"Hey."<p>

Feferi stared at the boy for a few moments before recognizing him.

"Kar...kat...?"

"Yeah, who the fuck else would I be? Seriously, get with the program," Karkat halfway covered his mouth with his sweatshirt sleeve, averting his gaze from Feferi. It was English, still early in the day.

Feferi had never even known that Karkat was in this class with her.

"Um...well, hi, Karkat...Um, is there something you need...?" Feferi was purely baffled, completely at a loss. All she knew about Karkat was that he was short, perpetually angry, and ridiculously endearing.

"It's about Sollux. Not that I really give a shit, but are you two dating or something? That fuckass hasn't been online for weeks, and he finally said that he hangs with you after school and on the weekends and shit," Karkat looked down at his feet, which were turned inward. Feferi thought she noticed a small blush faintly coloring his cheeks.

"Ah, we're not dating, what a silly thing to think, Karkat!" Feferi grinned at him, glad that Sollux had acknowledged that they were friends. "I'm not going to take him away from you or anything."

Karkat was silent and looked Feferi up and down a few times. He was dressed in long jeans and a huge, blue sweatshirt.

"'Kay, but that's not really what I'm so worried about," he sighed finally.

"You're worried about something?" Feferi inquired, suddenly concerned. Karkat sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Here," he pulled a picture out of his pocket, sliding it onto her desk. "This is what I'm more concerned about, really."

Feferi looked at the picture and did a double take. It was Sollux with his arm around a grinning girl, and Karkat was seated on the other side of Sollux, arms petulantly crossed.  
>Feferi was taken aback by the likeness of the girl in the picture; she looked like she could've been her twin sister.<p>

Feferi didn't have to ask to know who the girl was: Aradia Megido.

"You see, I think this shit's gonna get really fucking messy, really fucking fast. That douchebag doesn't think twice before wrecking other people because he's too much of a fucking mess," Karkat took the picture and tucked it back into his jean's pocket.

"You seem like a nice girl," he said. "Too fucking nice to be hanging around us. We're the scum of the earth, haven't you heard?"

"Karkat, you're obviously not scum if you're trying to help me out! You don't even know me and you're being pretty nice right now!" Feferi protested.

Karkat smiled faintly, regretfully. "You keep thinking that, Feferi. It might just work out if that's the way you always think."

Without saying anything else, Karkat turned on his heel, hooked his thumbs into his belt looks and sauntered away.

**Once again, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK. Things are getting weird, and you don't know if you should CUT THIS THING SHORT or if you should just RIDE IT OUT.  
><strong>  
><strong>Take a chance or leave?<br>**  
><strong>WHAT WILL YOU DO?<br>**

* * *

><p><strong><em>And that's where I'll end for now! <em>**

**_PLEASE REVIEW~~ I really, seriously appreciate it._ _Like, for real, bro._**

**_See you next week!_**

**_Oh, and by the way, next time is a change in POV. Should be fun, should be fun. :)_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello all~~  
>Yay, an update! I rewrote this three times...o_o So I hope you like it...<br>As I said, it's a different POV this time. I wanted to provide some brief insight on the _other_ side of the situation since we don't know very much about it. Sooo! Tadaa~  
>Next week, I'll probably be back to Feferi, though. Don't want to stay away for too long. o^o<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You are SEVEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

"Karkat, could you come here for a moment? I have a favor to ask of you."

"What is it, Ms. Brinley?"

**You have very few INTERESTS, mainly being limited to COLORING and watching funny girl movies with your MOM.  
><strong>  
>Karkat bounded up to the teacher, in the shirt that his mom liked. It was green, a color that his mother said really brought out his eyes.<p>

"We have a new student today," Ms. Brinley grinned sweetly, plopping her old, withered hand on a figure partially covered by her giant skirt. "Would you show him around the school?"

"Sure, Ms. Brinley!" grinned Karkat, smiling wide, inadvertently showing the gaps in his teeth. "Is that him?"

**This is when you meet the boy with will soon become your BEST FRIEND. **

The small figure emerged from behind the teacher, shyly covering his mouth with his small hand. He was clinging to the teacher's hand, a gigantic, fleece sweater consuming him.

This wasn't what shocked Karkat about Sollux, though. What surprised him were Sollux's _eyes_. They were shocking to Karkat, who had only ever seen very plain, brown eyes. Of course, Karkat's own eyes were a dark hazel, with small flecks of green, but even that was quite subtle, only discernible to a trained eye. The small boy's heterochromatic eyes were a shock, one pure gold and the other deep blue.

"H-hi," the small boy said quietly.

"Hi!" Karkat peered around the teacher to get a better look at the mysterious boy. "My name is Karkat, what's yours?"

"Th-tholluckth...Captor," the boy blushed a deep red. "Thorry...I have a pretty bad lithp."

Karkat just laughed. "That's okay, man! We've all got our things!" He thumped the boy on the back and guided him out of the room without so much as looking to the teacher for approval.

**As you guide SOLLUX CAPTOR around school, you begin to hear LOTS OF NEAT STUFF about his life.  
><strong>  
>"And there wath thith reeeeally big fountain that thpurted water-"<p>

"Really? Whoa, why'd you have to move _here_? We don't have _anything _like that!"

Sollux giggled and grabbed Karkat's hand. "Well, thee, my parenth are pretty mad at each other and I don't really like it at all! But bathically, my dad took me here, but I don't know where my mommy ith. I really mith her."

So far, they had travelled a significant amount, wandering about the cafeteria, the seemingly huge halls, the office, the playground, everything Karkat could think of. Now they were just walking in circles holding hands so they wouldn't have to go back to class.

Sollux frowned and stopped walking. He sniffled and wiped at an errant tear. Karkat jumped at this and turned to Sollux.

"Hey, man, I'm sorry, I didn't know! It'll be fine, I'm sure she'll show back up really soon," Karkat believed his words at the time, but as he would soon realize,

**SHE WASN'T COMING BACK.  
><strong>  
><strong>This was where it all started, all of the BULLSHIT that would soon happen. It all STARTED HERE, with the BETRAYAL, NEED, and HOPELESSNESS that Sollux would ENDURE due to his MOTHER.<br>**  
><strong>IF ONLY YOU COULD CHANGE IT.<br>**  
>Karkat tightly squeezed Sollux's hand in a friendly gesture, hoping that Sollux would stop crying. Sollux sniffled and grabbed onto Karkat's shirt.<p>

They were only children then and they had just met, but there was an unmistakable kinship between the two, an undeniable bond forged immediately. It was known without a word being uttered that they would become best friends, that they would come to rely and depend on each other through thick and thin.

**And from the very first MOMENT you MET SOLLUX, it was pretty much DESTINY that you would FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM.**

* * *

><p>"Ugh...Sollux?"<p>

**Your name is KARKAT VANTAS.**

"Soll-ux," Karkat whined.

**You are ELEVEN YEARS OLD.**

"Sollux, what're you looking at?" he peered over Sollux's head, looking around. Sollux was completely zoned out, staring at something Karkat couldn't see.

They were chilling on the playground, as any respectable cool kids would do.

Karkat took notice again of Sollux's stupid sunglasses. One lens was blue and the other was red. He had bought them for Sollux, mainly as a joke, but Sollux had worn them every single day since then, claiming that he would treasure them forever-and-ever.

"Do you know her?" Sollux said suddenly.

"What? Know who?" Karkat furrowed his eyebrows. "What the fuck, Captor. I don't see anything."

"_Her_," Sollux grabbed Karkat and pointed. Karkat followed his line of vision and saw the vague silhouette of a girl. She sat by herself inside the crappy wooden gazebo that adorned the edge of the playground. She had a book folded in her lap, and her hair fell in soft waves down her back. Every now and then she would tuck a stray lock behind her ear.

Karkat and Sollux sat in dumbfounded unison. She was absolutely gorgeous. Cool, unapproachable, slight, delicate. She looked like a butterfly, ready to take flight at any given opportunity. Her lips curved perfectly, her legs crossed perfectly.

She was fucking perfect.

Before Karkat could come out of his stupor, Sollux walked over to her, stupefied.

"What the fuck are you _doing_?" Karkat screeched, chasing after his friend. Sollux didn't respond, instead striding up the wooden stairs and up to the girl, slack jawed.

The girl didn't say anything, instead cocking her head in question, a small smile threatening to tug at her pursed lips. Her brown locks bounced with her head, falling in a wave over her shoulder.

Karkat was surprised by Sollux's bold actions. Of course, they chattered often about which girls were hot and which ones were ugly, trying to be big and brave and cool, but at the end of the day, they needed only each other. Neither of them actually gave a shit about any of the girls they "dated." They just cared about the status, the way it would look to each other. To Karkat and Sollux, all that mattered was playfully one-upping the other with a hotter girlfriend. The words "bros before hoes," were like an obnoxious mantra, a chant. They said them practically every day, reminding each other, in their own awkward way, that nothing could come between them.

This girl, though Karkat didn't know it at the time, would change all that.

She would change everything, change absolutely _everything_.

But Karkat didn't know that. As far as he was concerned, this was just a strange, fleeting encounter, and as soon as it was over, everything would go back to normal.

The girl stared at Sollux, their eyes locked. Even at age eleven, they both lacked the capacity to feel shame. Karkat felt jealousy burn in his chest, boiling and bubbling as he watched Sollux ogle her.

"Are you going to say something? I was reading."

"O-Oh, I'm thorry," Sollux stammered, blush coloring his cheeks.

"My name is Aradia," the girl finally said. She didn't seem fazed by Sollux's intense, creepy stare.

"My name is Tholl-I mean...S-Sollux," Sollux tried, sounding out his recently discovered consonant. Aradia laughed good naturedly.

"Nice to meet you, Sollux," Aradia politely shook Sollux's hand. Karkat had to hold in a loud guffaw; this entire exchange was absolutely preposterous. In reality, he felt a little pleased by the way things were going down. Sollux was _his_, and no ho was going to change that. Karkat suddenly decided that, yep, this girl was definitely a ho, look at how she was flirting with Sollux. But for some reason, Sollux, _Sollux_, normally so cool and glib, was tongue-tied, clamming up, blushing, and sputtering.

Sollux had to be the most socially awkward dumbfuck in the entire world. Did he not see the absolutely overwhelming ludicracy in this?

But weirdly enough, Aradia and Sollux bonded right away, talking about the archeology book she was reading and making generally friendly conversation.

Karkat felt himself fade to static, into the background. His initial interest in Aradia was beginning to fade to white as he watched Sollux fawn over her.

**Instead, it was replaced by deep-rooted ENVY, an emotion you would have A VERY HARD TIME SHAKING as you grew up and the Aradia-girl became very DETRIMENTAL to both your's AND SOLLUX'S lives.**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are now THIRTEEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

Sollux was spending the night at Karkat's house. Karkat had been watching him all night long, waiting for him to mention _Aradia_, which was practically the only thing he ever talked about. That was all he had talked about since they had _met_ the girl. It was insanely annoying.

"Do you like her?" Karkat scowled at Sollux.

"What? No!" Sollux feigned disgust. "Come on, man, she's just a _friend_!"

"Bullshit, Captor."

"Your face is bullshit."

"...That was fucking weak," Karkat commented. He continued grimacing, waiting for Sollux to say the inevitable.

"Yeah, I guess I like her," Sollux blushed, smiling lopsidedly. "I mean, I don't know."

Karkat sighed heavily, pretending that it was out of contempt, when really, it was out of masked despair.

When would _Karkat_ be the one to run his fingers through Sollux's hair, to laugh with him, to drink juice with him, to hold hands with him?

This fucking Aradia chick was getting in the way of their friendshi-

_Beep._

Karkat's computer buzzed loudly. "Gah!"

"What's up with that?" Sollux asked. Karkat stood and walked over to check who was messaging him.

'_karkat'_

Oh. Her. Aradia.

Karkat glanced over at Sollux, who had busied himself with re-inspecting Karkat's movies.

'_WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?' _he furiously typed back. She was nice enough, but she was getting over-involved.

'_is s0llux there'_

'_YEAH HE IS. WHY?'_

'_n0 real reas0n simply curi0us'_

Karkat shut off his computer then, deeply aggravated.

"Aradia?" Sollux asked without looking up.

"Yep," Karkat responded.

"Tell her to meet us at the park tomorrow," Sollux continued reading the back cover of a movie.

"What? Fuck no!"

"Do it."

* * *

><p>"I still don't know why we're here."<p>

"Shut up, KK. I like her, and you _will _be friendly," Sollux muttered, shifting his sunglasses. They were still the same stupid ones from when they were younger, the ones Karkat had bought for him.

It was a bright, sunny Saturday, annoyingly so. Clustered around some random tree, Karkat and Sollux were waiting Aradia's appearance. They were apparently going to "play" in the park. Karkat didn't bother mentioning that they were all thirteen to fourteen, way too old for that type of horeshit.

"Sollux!"

Karkat and Sollux looked up to detect the source of the voice. Aradia was running over to them, smiling and holding her hat on her head. She leaped up and threw her arms around Sollux's neck, giggling.

Sollux swung her around, letting her feet waver a few inches off the ground. Karkat could've been violently ill at the sight, but he held it in.

Soon, Aradia had taken one of their hands each and was leading them through a path.

The trees made a canopy of green, light streamed through the leaves, producing the same effect as church windows. The sunlight scattered, bouncing on the trio of children.

They were innocent as dew, young as morning, fresh as grass. No one could have foreseen the trials they would have to face, the unfair hand they would be dealt.

"Here we are!" Aradia exclaimed, grinning. Karkat and Sollux followed her gaze, looking at a small cave-ish structure. Aradia immediately got on her stomach and skirted inside, unfazed by the dirt.

"Hey! That's dangerous!" Karkat yelled, but Sollux stopped him from going any farther.

"It's okay, KK," Sollux beamed, watching Aradia in masked admiration. "We know what we're doing."

"_We_?" Karkat scowled, not liking the fact that this was a private thing between Sollux and Aradia, whatever it was.

Sollux was next, sliding through the small opening. He beckoned to Karkat, inviting him while smirking.

Karkat sighed and sat down, tentatively putting one foot through the medium opening. He was immediately pulled in by strong hands, hands he recognized as Sollux's. He yelped in surprise and shut his eyes as he slid through moist dirt.

When he opened them, Aradia and Sollux were both on their knees, hovering over him curiously.

"Let's go," grinned Aradia. Karkat stood up, shocked. Sollux had flicked on a flashlight, and Karkat could see that this was a cave indeed. It was large, cavernous. The ceiling was reddish, the walls a subdued dusty brown.

"Whoa," Karkat was in awe. He looked in the corner and saw a larger connected room. He waltzed in, his dislike of Aradia completely forgotten.

A shovel rested in the corner, and the floor was riddled with holes. The entire room was smoothed, as though someone had been actively trying to make it look nice. There were even small adornments and drawings. In the corner of the room was a large, thick blanket, for cold days, Karkat supposed. Aradia came in and laughed.

"I was looking to see if there was anything cool, and somehow, I just ended up spending a lot of time here" she giggled sheepishly. Sollux walked in behind her. He pulled a deck of cards from his pocket, smirking.

"Are you down, Vantas?" he challenged.

"Why didn't you guys ever tell me about this? This is fucking badass," Karkat growled at Sollux. Sollux rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the ceiling. His bare arm glowed in the light of the flashlight.

"Didn't want to show you until I thought you would be willing to play nice with AA," Sollux flashed Karkat his grin, the one he always did when he knew he had done something wrong. It melted Karkat's ice heart, making him instantly forget why he was angry in the first place.

"And now he apparently thinks we'll be besties," Aradia laughed, smiling warmly at Karakat. Her stray brown hairs made a halo around her crown, making her look angelic. Her black shirt was a bit ripped at the sleeves, dirt streaked the front. Her long skirt looked really restrictive and was also covered in dirt, but Karkat decided against making a comment about it. Karkat had always _wanted_ to like Aradia to be honest, but something about her made him apprehensive.

He looked from Sollux's face to Aradia's face and wondered if it was time to give in.

"Let's play," Karkat finally sighed, grinning. "Although, don't be surprised when I kick your asses."

"Dream on, KK," Sollux shot Karkat a look of gratitude, of thanks.

Karkat suddenly felt a small squeeze of his hand. He turned to see Aradia looking at him with subdued contentment.

Karkat squeezed back, finally admitting to himself that, okay, she was okay. Ish. Sollux could do better, of course, but...

He could do a lot worse.

And that was how it really began. Playing cards around a crappy flashlight in a cave. That was the beginning of their close-knit relationship. From then on, they were all inseparable, they were always together. Nothing would separate them, nothing would tear them apart. Nobody would be able to enter the world that they had created for themselves. It was for them, and them only.

**At least, that's what you THOUGHT. **

* * *

><p>"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh <em>fuckfuckfuckfuck<em>!"

**Your name is KARKAT VANTAS.  
><strong>  
>"Fuck! Aradia? Aradia?"<p>

Was that _her_? No, no, God no.

**You are FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.  
><strong>  
>That wasn't her, it couldn't be her. That was some other chick splayed out against the stretcher, some other poor sap, some other red against white.<p>

"Sir, I'm sorry, but she can't hear you. She's unconscious right now. If you wouldn't mind, could you actually step back? It's very important that we-"

But Sollux's presence next to her confirmed Karkat's worst fear.

That was Aradia Megido, one of Karkat's best friends, and probably the love of Sollux's life.

"_Shut the fuck up!_" Karkat shoved the man cloaked in white out of his way, angry tears springing to his eyes. "_Aradia!_"

A mask was over her face, and she was being wheeled down the hall on a long white gurney. Sollux was holding her hand and pacing alongside her. Blood stained the front of his shirt, and his eyes were red from crying.

Something on the ground caught Karkat's eye, and he leaned down to pick it up.

Karkat held Sollux's discarded sunglasses in his hand, frowning. He chased after the two without a thought, quickly catching up.

Sollux glanced at him gratefully, glad to see him.

"Karkat," he sighed, discarding his typical nickname. "Thank God."

"What's going on?" Karkat asked, tears beginning to prick his eyes.

Aradia's entire body was bloodied. All he knew was that Sollux had called him, hysterical, saying that he was taking Aradia to the hospital, that there had been an accident, that Karkat had to come right away.

Sollux shook his head, not offering any suggestions.

Then he was crying, unable to contain himself. Tears streamed down his face, salt ran down his throat. Then came the loud, choked sobs. Karkat was unsettled by the sight, not knowing how to cope with his best friend's imminent mental breakdown.

They both clutched either hand of Aradia's, mumbling incoherencies and swears. Finally, they were wrenched away from her and left at the doors of the operating room. They collapsed on their knees next to each other, both struggling not to crack into a thousand pieces. Karkat's eyes were wide, stunned, and he began to shiver.

"It'th my fault, it'th my fault, it'th all my fucking fault, Karkat, it'th my fault, it'th mine," Sollux screamed, covering his ears with his blood spattered hands. Karkat moved in close, holding Sollux in his arms.  
>Karkat was suddenly plagued with images of Aradia, when she had teased him about his height, when she was catching butterflies with Sollux, when they were fourteen and she got into a fight with Vriska Serket. When she had braided Sollux's and Karkat's hair, when she took them on a psuedo-archaeological dig, when she had smiled and hugged Karkat for the first time.<p>

"It's okay, it's okay, man," Karkat squeezed Sollux, torn in a million different directions at once. He wanted to run, to disappear, he wanted this to not be real, he wanted to skip ahead to when this night was just a distant memory, to when it didn't have to be so real.  
>He didn't want to think, he didn't want to cry, he didn't want to care, he didn't want to.<p>

**But you do.  
><strong>  
>"What are we going to do? <em>What are we going to do<em>?" Sollux murmured, rocking back and forth on his heels.

"Is she going to be okay?" Karkat choked out. He had never seen someone so broken, so bloodied and bruised and ruined. Thinking about it brought a wave of nausea. It rolled over him, pressing his sweaty back against the realization that Aradia might die.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," Sollux kept crescendoing and decrescendoing his words. "I don't know, Karkat."

He didn't know? _He_didn't know?

**If he doesn't know, you certainly don't. And you don't like it ONE BIT.**

* * *

><p>"Um...Aradia?" Karkat tiptoed meekly over to her bedside, peering carefully at her. "You alright?"<p>

"Karkat. Hello," she smiled softly. Aradia was sitting upright in her hospital bed, one eye bandaged, and her entire body covered in gauze and tape. "How are you."

"Fuck, Aradia, I'm fine, I should be asking you that. Fuck, I was scared you weren't going to make it!" Karkat wanted to hug her to make sure she wasn't an apparition, a ghost, but he was intimidated by her dressings.

"Oh," she said. "It's fine. I lived."

Karkat inspected Aradia carefully. She was emoting far less than normal. She was typically relatively reserved, but this was extreme.

Perhaps her medicine was making her apathetic?

"Aradia...is something wrong? I mean, you know, _aside_from that," Karkat twiddled his thumbs nervously.

"Not particularly, why," she asked. Karkat noticed that she had been asking questions without any inflection, without any question mark.

"Oh...no reason, sorry," Karkat frowned. Aradia's mouth twitched in a knowing way. It was a wry gesture, one without true contentment or any real intention of becoming a smile. She may have lived on the outside, but inside, something had gone terribly wrong.

She was acting like she was _dead_. Maybe on the inside, she was.

What had survived this so-called "accident"? Sollux wouldn't say anything about it, but he mentioned Vriska once.

What had truly survived?

**You don't know WHAT HAPPENED TO ARADIA, but whatever it is, you're sure you're BETTER OFF NOT KNOWING.  
><strong>  
><strong>Whatever HAPPENED to her, it KILLED HER.<br>**  
>Karkat awkwardly said his goodbyes and left the hospital room, noting that she hadn't even turned on the television. She simply stared at the wall, out the window, doing nothing, feeling nothing.<br>"KK," a voice said from below. Karkat jumped and saw Sollux, sitting with his back propped up against the wall.

"What the fuck, Sollux, seriously," Karkat whisper-yelled. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Sorry."

Karkat raised an eyebrow at the lack of a witty-but-not-really remark from Sollux. "So what's up? You had something to say?"

"Karkat," Sollux said, standing to his full height. "Listen to me."

Something about the tone in his voice, the look he gave Karkat was unsettling. "Yeah?"

"What happened to Aradia...Look, I can't explain it to you yet, but I did it. It was me."

Karkat wasn't entirely sure of what exactly happened next.

But Sollux was on the floor with a bloody mouth, Karkat's hand was suspended in air, and his fist ached.

"You..."

"Karkat, no, pleathe, hold on. Hold on, listen. I need...I need you...please. Please try to understand. I can't ever be with anyone ever again. It was a mistake to go to that party, and please, man, I need you, I don't love right, I'm all fucked in the head, and I can't _do_this without you! Please, Karkat, help me."

Karkat stood, looming over Sollux. He had been the one to beat her so senseless? Was it really Sollux, kind-hearted Sollux, sweet, goofy, nerdy Sollux? Karkat's best friend, Sollux?

Who was this person?

"I can't _ever_ be with another girl again. All I'll do is break them. I need you to stop me next time. I don't care if it was Vriska's fault or not, it was mine for letting her control me. So next time, Karkat, just...just try to talk me out of it. I don't want to love anyone else, Karkat. I only hurt people. I hurt her, I hurt you..."

Karkat bristled. "What?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up, KK. Don't act like it's okay. Please, just, listen, I don't want this to happen. Ever again, please, KK, please. Stop me next time. Okay?"

**Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You are best friends with SOLLUX CAPTOR, but you are also IN LOVE WITH HIM. You have just discovered that he has SERIOUSLY HURT one of your good friends, ARADIA MEGIDO, who he has been dating for YEARS. He seems to have been provoked or drugged or somehow otherwise convinced by VRISKA SERKET, AKA NUMBER ONE BITCH, to do so, but still.  
><strong>  
><strong>He is now asking YOU to HELP HIM not do SUCH A THING ever again. He says he will NEVER LOVE AGAIN.<br>**  
><strong>WHAT WILL YOU DO?<br>**  
>"Okay?" Sollux asked again.<p>

Karkat sighed and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Okay."

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You are now SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD.<br>**  
>"What's up, KK?" Sollux's voice was tinny on the other line, barely there. "Is something wrong?"<p>

Karkat clenched his free fist, hating what he had to do next.  
>"That girl, Feferi..."<p>

"Yeah?" Sollux asked. Karkat could tell by the tone in Sollux's voice that he knew what Karkat was going to say, what he was going to have to do.

"Stop it. You have to stop," Karkat said, trying to maintain a high level of confidence.

"Well, no, listen, KK, I think that maybe since then, I've gotten-" Sollux was cut off.

"No. We made a deal, Sollux. I don't trust you. Does she even know?"

"...No," Sollux said. "I'm going to tell her, though, honest."

"Yeah, right," Karkat snorted. "I'm pulling the plug, man. It's for your own good. I'm not about to watch another nice girl get hospitalized. Never again."

"No, you don't understan-"

"Break it off," Karkat snarled. "If you won't do something about it, I will."

Karkat hung up his cellphone before Sollux could say anything. He would protect Sollux from this, he would make sure Sollux never had to hurt again.

He would do anything it took. Anything.

But how?

How would he fix this? He had already spoken to Aradia, and, as predicted, she didn't give a shit about Feferi one way or the other.  
>She didn't really give a shit about anything anymore. She didn't care for archeology anymore, or playing cards.<p>

Karkat sighed and flopped back onto his back. He held up his hand and let the harsh light peak through his fingers.

He had to stop this Feferi thing before it got worse.

He just had to...

**WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?**

* * *

><p><strong>And that's a rap! Hurrah!<br>Karkles, such a good boy...Anyways, PLEASE REVIEW, hope you liked it, yadda yadda, see you next week~!~**


	5. Chapter 5

**Why am I still writing this. I don't even like het. What is this, I don't even-**  
><strong>Thanks, though, for the alerts and reviews and favorites~ Thankyouthankyou. You're basically the only reason I keep writing.<br>Guh, so much stuff is going on right now. Oh, geez, but I'm really, really trying to update at a reasonable pace.  
>Sorry for the weird update day...I just, I just kept putting off actually posting it, and then, all these crazy school things, and and, all the science! And I'm sorry.<br>But, hopefully, you like it! Hurray!**

* * *

><p>"Okay, okay," Feferi giggled. "Your turn."<p>

"What? Seriously?" Sollux tried to frown and failed. "No, it's not."

**Your name is FEFERI PEXIES.  
><strong>  
><strong>And YES, you are STILL SIXTEEN YEARS OLD.<br>**  
>Feferi smiled and nodded. Sollux sighed and blew away a stray hair that was in his face. They were both lying on the dirt floor adjacent to The Creek, facing each other in a patch of sunshine. It was a lazy Saturday afternoon, and thus, they were dressed in Lazy Saturday Afternoon clothes.<p>

Feferi's long, billowing, pink and white striped dress was spread out on the soft tufts of shy grass, fanning out enough to touch the tips of her obscenely long damp curls. And Sollux was dressed in jeans and a black shirt, something that would look dumpy and boring on anyone else, but on him...It looked _natural_.

"Okay," Feferi narrowed her eyes playfully. "Truth or dare?"

Sollux bit his lip thoughtfully, sucking in his bottom lip and pouting it out every few seconds as he deliberated.

"...Truth, definitely truth. I'm too scared you'll try to, like, make me lick a fish or something," Sollux chuckled. His hair fell in shags across his face, his head resting on his arms as he lay on his stomach. His sunglasses inched up bit by bit, occasionally revealing his golden eye.

"Okay..." Feferi bit her tongue in thought. "Oh, I know! Okay, Sollux...Is it true that you slept with Karkat at Nepeta's party?" Feferi looked at him suspiciously, tucking another dark strand behind her ear.

First, Sollux's eyes simply widened in surprise. Then, he coughed and seized suddenly, nearly convulsing. His knees tucked to his chest and he groaned.

"Oh my fucking _God_."

"Whoa, whoa, well don't have a _seizure_!" Feferi almost laughed despite being mildly concerned.

Sollux eyed her above the rim of his glasses. "Why do you want to know?"

"Well, I'm _cu-ri-ous_~!" Feferi giggled. To be honest, she felt a slight pang of jealousy at the thought of Sollux banging Karkat, but she'd have been lying if she said she didn't find it relatively hot. It wasn't that she found gay guys banging hot in general, but just, Karkat with his irritability and his shy guardedness, Sollux's suave demeanor...It really was unsurprising that practically half the student body thought that Karkat and Sollux were a golden couple.

"Ugh, yes, yes, I fucking slept with my best friend, okay? And yeah, it was at Nepeta's oh-so-famous party," Sollux blushed, covering his eyes with his free arm. "It was a bad idea, but it was just that one time, though, and that was because...well, because, Aradia..."

"Because you guys broke up?" Feferi gently inquired. She was trying to be understanding, but really, she had absolutely _no _idea what Sollux was babbling about.

Sollux peeled off his sunglasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "No, no, it wasn't that. Ugh, don't listen to rumors by the way, none of those douchebags actually know what fucking happened that night."

"Well, what happened?" Feferi snaked a hand up to stroke Sollux's hair gently. He melted into her touch and looked at her, with his eyes fully focused on her.

"It's a long story."

"We have time."

Sollux continued to stare at Feferi. Then he shook his head. "No, not yet, no."

Feferi found it difficult to conceal her disappointment. She frowned and bit her lip, trying not to seem too petulant.

"Fine," she murmured bitterly. "You're such a sourpuss, all secretive and 'ooh look at my sunglasses they're different colors, isn't that cool?'" She didn't really find that annoying, but it was at least something to gripe about. She knew that it was unfair of her to expect Sollux to just open up and pour out his deepest darkest secrets, but damn, was she curious.

Sollux groaned and turned his head to face her. He didn't say anything; he simply looked at her.

They lay there like that, next to each other, simply breathing and wishing they could stay here forever, frozen in the sunlight, smelling the promise of crisp apples in the air, wishing they could tell each other their problems, wondering when the other would find out the inevitable-that they were both hiding things, sneaking around.

"I don't want you to hate me, Feferi. I think that if you knew, maybe..." Sollux broke off, shaking his head. "Just...not yet, okay? Things are good right now, and..."

Feferi reached out a tentative hand, tucking Sollux's messy hair tufts behind his ear again. Her fingertips grazed the legs of his sunglasses. Cautiously, Feferi slid the glasses off, slowly, slowly.

Sollux stared at her, blue eye looking as melancholic and heavy as rain clouds and gold eye looking as guarded as a castle.

"Okay," Feferi said. "I'll wait."

It was silent for a few beats. One, two.

"I dare you to lick a fish," Feferi said with a perfectly straight face.

"I didn't pick dare, though!" Sollux swatted at her, laughing. "And I'm pretty sure I specifically told you that I wouldn't lick a fish."

"What? No, you didn't," Feferi punched him back playfully, giggling.

And the golden afternoon continued without a missed beat, the two children laughing together, as though nothing had happened.

* * *

><p>"Eridan?" Feferi called. His room was quiet and cold, just as Eridan liked it. Feferi's wet locks stuck to her back, chilling her skin.<p>

She had come to Eridan's house as soon as Sollux left, racing to find her best friend. When she had gotten to the door, Eridan's mother had looked distressed, but told her that 'Eridan was probably in his room, maybe.'

It was already past six, getting a little late.

Feferi stood in the doorway, surveying the room that she had come to know so well. Even just standing there, she felt aprehension try to swallow her, a tight, black unseen grip clawing at her. It was the feeling she always got when she was in Eridan's room.

She had made a decision a few weeks prior, one that she didn't like to think about very much. But it was nearing time to tell Eridan about this decision.

"Fef," a voice came from behind her. Feferi jumped in surprise, not expecting Eridan to sneak up on her like that.

"Where have you been?" the voice was accusing, unforgiving, and full of profound sorrow. "I've been lookin' for you all over, Fef."

"O-oh, well, I've just been at The Creek, swimming and whatnot. It's almost autumn and-"

She was cut off by the look that Eridan gave her. He didn't believe her (even though it was sort of true) and he wasn't going to bother to probe. He walked past Feferi, leaving an eerie feeling in his wake.

She noticed, under the harsh yellow light in Eridan's room, a bruise that was beginning to blossom on his high cheekbone.

"Eridan? What happened there?" she murmured softly. Feferi was concerned for a moment that she had spoken too softly to be heard, but Eridan's sigh told her otherwise.

"Nothin', Fef. Don't worry about it," he flopped onto his bed, covering his eyes from the unpleasant light pounding from the small overhead light. "Just...a disagreement."

Feferi frowned and then walked over to where Eridan was lying. She sat down next to him, letting the mattress sink in where she sat. It was times like these that Feferi was unsure of herself. She was Eridan's best friend, his only friend. She knew him better than anyone, but still, she didn't know how to comfort him now, how to make him happy.

Which words would soothe, which caress was right, which pat was correct? Feferi let her hand hover right above his cheek. Slowly, she touched a gentle finger to the bruise, and then another. Eridan let his eyelids flutter shut, his lips curling into a bitter expression.

"Fef," he muttered under his breath. Feferi let out a peep as a form of inquiry.

"We need to talk about something pretty soon," he said, not bothering to open his eyes. Feferi started, wondering if he had already guessed what she had been planning to talk to him about. She tried to swallow the nervous lump in her throat, and she thought about how sad Eridan looked, and then she pondered the tiredness in her bones, in her heart. She compared his sadness and her tiredness, and was unsure of which to trust more.

"Oh?" Feferi breathed, her heart thumping in her chest. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, that's so," Eridan's lips curled into a surly smile, as though he was regretting something. "If you'll listen."

"Sure," Feferi smiled sweetly, suddenly concerned. She didn't have any idea what he could want to talk about. Was he upset with her? Could he have possibly found out about Sollux?

She bit her bottom lip and frowned. Grabbing the remote, she flipped on the small television, preparing herself for a calm evening of watching crap.

It didn't look like she would be talking to Eridan about _that_ anytime soon.

* * *

><p><strong>A few days pass. You are in class.<strong>

"You, girl, Feferi."

"Karkat?"

"...I'm pretty sure we've been over this already," he sniffled. The boy looked livid, angry. Well, he always did, but right then, more than usual. "Yes, I am Karkat. Say it with me, Kaaarkaaaat."

"What a grumpy boy!" piped Feferi. "What could it be that has your panties in such an obnoxious bunch?"

"Sollux. I tried to tell you nicely, but you didn't seem to hear me," Karkat leaned in close to Feferi, bracing his hands on either side of the desk. Feferi's eyes widened in shock at his boldness. He glared at her, and Feferi noticed that his eyes were...was that hazel?

"He's. An. _Asshole,_" Karkat whisper-yelled. "Just stop talking to him!"

"Heehee, well, asshole or not, I still like him. We're becoming pretty good friends, you know?" Feferi giggled in that chiming way of her's. "Sure, he's a _little_ rough around the edges, but you know, all in all-"

"You don't know anything about him," Karkat snapped. "He probably hasn't even told you about what happened with Aradia, has he?"

"Well, no, but I think he will. It's come up before," Feferi wrinkled her nose and looked up at Karkat.

"Oh, really? So you're just going to trust him?" Karkat sneered. "Don't trust him. I did, and all it got me was a fake promise and a sore ass."

Feferi blushed despite herself at the imagery. "He told me that he..." she averted her eyes, wondering why Karkat was being so honest. "Um. Fucked you."

Karkat blushed also, and was quiet for a few moments. "Seriously, you don't mean anything to him. He even told me so."

The room around them buzzed, conversations stirring and rippling. Laughs swirled, and teenage drawl drabbled around them. But Karkat and Feferi were alone in this obscure corner, staring cryptically at each other, completely different from the other inhabitants of the classroom.

"Karkat."

The voice was soft, hushed. Karkat and Feferi both snapped their heads up from their individual thoughts to see a familiar, devastatingly beautiful girl. Her brown hair cascaded down her back and over her shoulders.

"Aradia," Karkat breathed. "You don't have this class."

Aradia looked passively at Feferi, not responding to Karkat. "Is this her. The girl you won't stop bitching about."

Karkat nodded wordlessly. Aradia strode past him, walking up to Feferi and thrusting a hand out.

"I apologize for him," she said, her voice clear as crystal. "He gets carried away sometimes."

"It's fine," Feferi murmured, shaking Aradia's hand. It was cold, and her skin felt rough. "He's just worried, I'm sure," Feferi grinned.

Aradia's expression (or lack thereof) did not change in the slightest. "He's just being a douche," she said without missing a beat. The left part of her mouth ticked up into something resembling a half-smile. "But what else is new."

"Aradia-"

"Shut up, I'll deal with you later."

Karkat and Aradia exchanged a long look filled with words that Feferi could not hear.

"You're always wanting to make Sollux happy because you love him oh-so-much, but I don't think he would appreciate this," Aradia flipped her long hair back over her shoulder. "Not that I really care so much, but, just, as a friend. Some advice."

"Oh, you just think you know everything, don't you?" Karkat grumbled, crossing his arms.

"I'm leaving now," Aradia didn't bat an eyelash, and instead turned on her heel and walked out.

Feferi looked at her from behind, noting her long-ish skirt, a bit similar to what Feferi herself often wore, and her plain black shirt.

She was certainly pretty, Feferi decided bitterly. When she looked up, she noticed that Karkat was gone, reseated, basically radiating general hatred.

Feferi sighed, slinking in her chair, debating again what to say to Eridan.

It was futile, though, her thoughts kept drifting back to Aradia's passiveness and Karkat's frustration, Sollux's indecisiveness.

She felt greatly out of the loop, but at the same time, felt that it was a loop she wasn't supposed to be part of anyways.

**Your name is FEFERI PEIXES. You are SIXTEEN YEARS OLD (shocker) and you are currently in FIRST PERIOD. You were just involved in a VERBAL SKIRMISH with KARKAT VANTAS, who happens to be SOLLUX CAPTOR'S best friend. ARADIA MEGIDO, Sollux's ex-girlfriend INTERVENED for UNKNOWN REASONS. **

**You suspect that Sollux is HIDING SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT FROM YOU, but you don't press the matter.**

**Oh, and as though that wasn't enough, you are also supposed to meet ERIDAN AMPORA, your BEST FRIEND, at seven for dinner. He says you two have IMPORTANT THINGS TO TALK ABOUT.**

Feferi sighed and flopped back into her chair, finally deciding to focus her attention on the obscenely late teacher.

**You have recently decided to break off your friendship with ERIDAN. **

**But you worry about the promise you made him.**

**That you would NEVER LEAVE HIM.**

**WHAT WILL YOU DO?**

* * *

><p>"Fef!" Eridan called. He ran up to her, grinning so wide that Feferi thought his face might crack in two. Certainly not the face of someone about to end a long standing best-friendship, Feferi thought bitterly.<p>

"Hey, Eridan," Feferi smiled warmly, hugging him briefly. He smelled good, like friendship and soap.

They stood in front of an Italian restaurant, hooking arms and walking inside. Eridan was dressed in plaid purple and black skinny jeans, strolling into the door. He smiled brightly at Feferi, laughing. A sinking feeling invaded Feferi's heart, but she tried to expel it, to ignore it.

Once they were seated and settled in a booth, they were facing each other, each emitting a glow. In the dim light (which was apparently for the ambiance) Feferi could see the faint shadow of a bruise on Eridan's cheek.

She didn't mention it, instead burying her nose in the elaborate menu. Feferi peeked over the top, musing over Eridan's strange aura of confidence.

He didn't seem upset, Feferi frowned. She shook her head discreetly. Nothing was going to change her mind. This was simply something that had to happen. This had to happen. She had been putting it off for years now. Years.

The waiter came to take their orders on his little waiter notepad, grinning and chatting sociably with them. When he left, Eridan folded his hands in his lap and looked at the table pointedly.

He bit his bottom lip, something that Feferi knew from experience he only did when he was extremely nervous.

"Eridan?" Feferi quietly inquired, suddenly wondering again if he had figured out her plan. He looked at her and smiled.

"Um, sorry, Fef, it's just that I've been meanin' to talk to you about somethin' pretty serious, and I'd be lyin' if I said it didn't make me a little nervous."

"I've been meaning to talk to you about something important, too," Feferi said sadly, realizing that she and Eridan must be on the same page.

"Really?" Eridan perked up in his chair, noticeably more alert. "Well, you can go first. Who knows, maybe we're even thinkin' of the same thing!"

"Yeah, maybe," Feferi nodded understandingly. Eridan probably wanted her to go first so he wouldn't have to be the one to end their friendship. He wasn't good at things like that, after all.

"Well, Eridan," Feferi looked up thoughtfully, not daring to look at his face. "It's just...well...I've been thinking a lot lately...about me, you, about _us_. And, well, gosh, this is so hard to say-!"

At that moment, the waiter returned with their food, Feferi's plate of Angel Pasta, and Eridan's spaghetti.

Eridan was preoccupied with his food briefly, happily sampling it and adding grated cheese to suit his taste. Feferi's stomach turned too much for her to even dare eat.

"Go on," Eridan gestured with his free hand encouragingly. "You were sayin'? About us?"

"Well," Feferi took a huge, huge breath. "I...I don't think we should be such close friends anymore."

The words hung there, dangling in the air, and no one dared to snatch them.

Feferi finally braved a look at Eridan's face to gauge his reaction. The words had been a lot more difficult to say then she thought they would be. And they must have been pretty hard to hear. "E...Eridan...?"

She felt timid, like a small child, swimming through heavy waves, tired muscles and exhausted, heaving lungs.

"Fef...no, no, no Fef, that wasn't, no, Fef, _Fef_," Eridan set his fork down with a clatter and looked at her with the most heartbreaking expression. He buried his face in his hands, shaking it, as though he thought he could shake out the words she had just said. When Eridan looked back at her, Feferi phyisically recoiled from him, even thought that wasn't her intention. His eyebrows were upturned in a look of sorrow, of pure, unadulterated pain. He shook his head lightly, punctuating each "no" he uttered. "Please, no."

"That wasn't what you wanted to talk about?" Feferi was suddenly terrified. Sweat poured down her back, moistened her hands. "What were you going to...?"

Eridan looked at her coldly, tears pooling at the edge of his eyes. The edges of his mouth twisted, like he was struggling to keep from crying and yelling and vomitting, all at the same time.

"...Fef, no. I...what I was goin' to say...I...Fef, I love you," Eridan locked eyes with Feferi, a single tear sliding down his cheek. "I love you. And I don't mean, like, oh, I love you we're such besties, I mean...I mean, I want to...I want to be your _boyfriend_, Fef. I've loved you for as long as I can remember."

Feferi was speechless. Words didn't mean anything. Nothing. Her hands were clammy and cold, and her eyes felt sore. Sore with the achy tears punching them from behind. Several moments passed as they stared at each other, exchanging emotions, not words. She didn't know what to do or say, everything felt heavy and metallic. Her tongue felt like lead, and her body felt too slow, her words felt too slow. Here she was, cutting the string that had held them together for so long, and here he was, wanting to tie the string, to tighten it.

She was hurting him. And for what? For whom?

Feferi thought suddenly of Sollux, wishing he was there to tell her what to do. She thought of all the times that she had tried to explain to him why Eridan was so important, why she couldn't leave him, why she would never, ever hurt her.

Eridan never hurt her feelings on purpose, Feferi would argue. He wasn't trying to hurt anyone, he just didn't know how to handle his feelings, she said. No one was there to look after Eridan, to watch his back. And if no one else was going to step up, she would.

Guilt suddenly consumed Feferi, suddenly stabbed at her insides. What was she thinking? What was she doing? She couldn't leave him, she said she wouldn't. But it hurt, it hurt, she hurt, it all hurt too much.

"Feferi?" Eridan finally begged in a cracked voice, abandoning his nickname.

"Feferi, please say something."

**WHAT DO YOU DO?**

* * *

><p><strong>Tadaaaaa, there we go! And we end here. This makes me really...sad...<br>****I hope this chapter wasn't too...disjointed...and...confusing? Egh, drop an opinion in a review, please! I love them and I love knowing what you think, sooo.  
><strong>**With that, have a great week, guys, I'll see ya soon! /huge cheesy wink**


	6. Chapter 6

**HI. WHAT'S UP, GUYS. I really don't have much to say up here...I ended up rewriting this chapter, like, four times. It sucked. Because nothing I did turned out right...So, this is my uber revised version! Yey~! Hope you like, thanks for the reviews and all that jazz, I read them all, like 9 times each (/manly tears) and here you all go!  
>Oh, and also, I didn't proofread this. So, any mistakes, I'm really, seriously sorry.<br>Um. Okay. See you at the end of the chapter~!**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you're JUST getting to your DESTINATION.<strong>

Karkat stepped out of his car, frowning and grumbling. He had come as fast as he could, just like he had promised. That stupid fuckass had better be fucking grateful.

**You are meeting with an OLD FRIEND, if you can really even call him that.**

He put both of his hands on the handles of the door, wrenching them open like the badass he was. He was already rather peeved after an annoying conversation with Gamzee, and the last thing he needed was a weepy lovelorn Scot whining and complaining. But alas.

Karkat is a good boy. And good boys help out even the most annoying of foreigners. He took a deep breath and prepared himself to speak with that guy.

Ah. There he was.

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA.<strong>

**You are SIXTEEN YEARS OLD.**

**You are currently sitting BY YOURSELF at a small booth in an ITALIAN RESTAURANT.**

"Hey. Ampora!" a gut-wrenchingly, annoyingly familiar voice barked. Eridan hung his head dejectedly, suddenly regretting his decision to call the young curmudgeon in his hour of need.

"Kar," Eridan growled lowly. "You came."

Karkat slid into the seat across from Eridan, examining his nails boredly. "Well, what happened? You called me all, blubbering, like _'Wweh wweh Kar, I'm cryin' so hard, please come save my sorry ass!'_"

"That is _not_ wwhat I sounded like, _Kar_," Eridan spat, blushing at his speech quirk. "Any anywways, I ww-wanted to-damn, hold on. Fuckin' wwords, I fuckin'-ugh."

"Dude, you're stuttering like crazy. What the fuck happened?" Karkat's eyes suddenly softened with sympathy. "It's gotta be something to do with Feferi, I know that much."

Karkat leaned back in his seat, kicking his feet up on the table and pointing at Eridan. He noticed the plate of barely touched pasta in his place and helped himself.

Eridan nodded wordlessly, not trusting himself to speak. He felt so defeated, so lonely. He remembered Feferi's face when he had told her, her horror, her eyes glazing over in realization, in...pity.

"I told her, Kar."

Karkat's eyes widened and he began to choke on his pasta, sputtering in a quite impolite fashion.

"You did _what_?" Karkat coughed. He watched Eridan shrink back in his chair, downcast eyes watering.

"Well?" Karkat sat up in his chair straighter. "How did it go?"

Eridan simply stared at Karkat for a few moments, biting his finger.

"Oh..." Karkat sank back into his cushioned seat, suddenly noticing the faint scent of perfume that still permeated the air.

"What...what did she say exactly?" Karkat questioned gently, understanding that Eridan was liable to blow the fuck up at any moment.

"Nothin.' She didn't say anythin' at all. Just got up, and ran out wwithout sayin' a word."

"Oh, man, Ampora. I'm sorry. That's...pretty fucking tough."

"Tell me about it," Eridan mused, leaning his chin on his palm. He locked eyes with Karkat. "It's nice to see you again, Kar."

Karkat frowned at him. "Well, you just called me out of the blue, after, like, a _year_. What was I gonna do?"

Eridan looked at the ceiling as though there was something to look at as he tried to collect his thoughts. Gathering them, he then tried to form words, to form a proper excuse.

The truth was that he hadn't wanted to associate himself with Karkat after those rumors began circulating-the ones about Karkat and Sollux having sex. Some people said that Aradia payed to watch them, that they had threesomes, some people said that they had gotten too rough one night and that's why Aradia had to go to the hospital. Eridan had never known what to believe; he didn't know Aradia very well, and he absolutely hated Sollux's guts. And even when Karkat fervently denied the rumors over and over and over and overandover again, Eridan decided that if he stayed with Karkat it would only hurt Feferi and himself.

"Yeah, I know," Eridan swallowed the thick lump in his throat. "But _you're_ the one who ditched me for good in the eighth grade. You know, when Miss Thing came and stole your beloved's heart away."

Karkat blushed. "Things are different. There's a lot you don't know. Some of it may involve Feferi, too, actually."

Eridan sat up straighter. "What? Are you meanin' to tell me that my Fef is involved with those dirty losers you associate with?"

"Fuck you," Karkat groaned. "You're such a _dick_ and you seriously can't figure out why the world isn't drooling all over your feet? Come on, man, Sollux and Aradia are my best friends, and where the fuck do you even get off telling me that-"

"Don't give a fuck, Kar. You were sayin' somethin' about Fef," Eridan straightened his scarf proudly.

"Ugh, I fucking hate you sometimes, you know that?" Karkat rubbed his temples.

"You still came, though, didn't you?" Eridan murmured quietly. If he was being honest with himself, he hadn't expected Karkat to even pick up his phone. They had barely even been friends in the first place, just casually talking sometimes in their mutual classes. Then, in fifth grade or so, Eridan called him, sobbing and alone. Karkat had immediately asked for Eridan's address, coming over and comforting him until Eridan was laughing his ass off about something totally not Feferi related.

Even when it came to Eridan's general misogyny and hatred that he directed to everyone around him, Karkat patiently listened, giving him pointers and advice. Contrary to popular belief, Karkat was a nice guy.

Ever since then, Karkat was Eridan's de facto therapist and confidant about all things Feferi. Well, ever since Nepeta's party, after which, Eridan ignored every casual remark Karkat made.

"Yeah, I guess I did. But that's just because, knowing you, you'd probably, like, go and fucking bomb someone's house or some other shit," Karkat cut away his eyes angrily. "I'm just looking out for the rest of the world."

"Yeah, okay, Kar," Eridan snorted. "No, but seriously, what was that you said about Fef?"

"I don't fucking know, man. She's friends with Sollux now or something, they're always chilling out and shit nowadays and some creek or something-"

"A creek?" Eridan asked darkly. He dipped his head down and swirled his water with his straw. A creek? It couldn't be a coincidence.

"Yeah, that's what I was told," Karkat took Feferi's straw out of her cup and let water drip onto his tongue from the opposite end. "And I don't know, they've just gotten really close. I think they talk about feelings or something, if you can believe it. She's making my bro into a fag."

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Eridan said flippantly, irritated by the situation. Karkat didn't say anything for a few words, and it was then that Eridan remembered that whole pulsating, raw nerve that throbbed at the mere mention of his obvious non-platonic (and rather dirty, if Eridan said so himself) feelings that Karkat had for Sollux.

"Shut the fuck up, Ampora. Seriously. Don't you know when you're crossing a line?"

"Sorry," Eridan muttered under his breath. "I didn't mean to..."

"Whatever," Karkat held up a hand to silence Eridan. "I'm over it. Anyways, what are you planning to do about Feferi?"

"I...I don't know. I want her to be happy, Kar, but if what you say is true, about her befriendin' that _scum_-"

"Watch it," Karkat warned, narrowing his eyes.

Eridan rolled his eyes and continued. "Excuse me, I meant to say '_Sollux,_' but yeah, if she's really friends with him, then I absolutely have to step in, of course! He's not good for her."

"I agree," Karkat said. "But that may just be because I already like having Sollux to myself."

"Whatever the case may, be, I won't have it. That filthy swine-"

"_Goddammit, Ampora_!" Karkat slammed his fists on the table, making the plates clatter. "That is my best fucking friend, and you will be respectful! How would you like it if I called Feferi a dirty, rotten whore?"_  
><em>

"It would be _dumb_, because she's so sweet and innocent that it's ludicrous to make such a wild accusation."

"And Sollux is such a good, caring guy, that it just makes you look dumb to call him filthy."

"This and that are _not_ the same," Eridan flipped his wrist at Karkat, dismissing his words.

"Do you want my help or not?" Karkat gritted his teeth and growled the words at Eridan. "Because so help my God, I am _this_ close to walking out, right here and now and not telling you another damn thing."

"C'mon, Kar, don't walk out on me," Eridan suddenly begged. "I just...I just, I don't know, I think...I think, God, Kar, do think me and Fef are _done_? Like, not even friends?"

Karkat sighed and rolled his eyes into the back of his head. "I don't know, Ampora, I've talked to the girl, like, twice. If I had to guess, though, I would say she's just freaked out right now. Just give her some space and time."

"But wait, she told me...she said she thought we shouldn't be best friends anymore," Eridan chewed on his lip. Karkat threw his hands in the air in frustration.

"Well, I think that's a pretty fucking important part of the story that you just, you know, sort of conveniently _forgot_, now isn't it?" Karkat buried his head in his arms and moaned again. He was pretty sure he had a headache coming on. "This is such bull."

"Sorry," Eridan apologized.

"Nah, it's fine, it's just a little messy," Karkat drawled the word 'messy' in a lower octave, accentuating it. "I just, whoo, I don't know what to tell you. I haven't really been up to speed on this whole thing in awhile, but last I remember, she was doting on you 24/7."

"Not for long time. It's been a few months. She just, I don't know, she started comin' around less, and when she did, she always sort of, seemed distant, which isn't like her," Eridan pressed himself against the wall the booth was attached to.

"That's probably around the time she met Sollux, huh?" Karkat looked at his hands curiously.

"She hates me," Eridan whimpered. "I was over-bearin' and I pushed her away, and I was too needy, an' now she _hates_ me."

"She doesn't hate you, dumbfuck. She just wants space," Karkat folded his hands in his lap. "Give her time."

"Time?" Eridan perked at the word. "Do you think she'll come back to me if I just give her time?"

"Probably," Karkat looked bored again, examining his fingernails. "If there's one thing I know about girls, it's that all of them are some degree of batshit crazy. All of them. They cry, they change their minds all the time, the never know what to do, they're all just so _annoying_."

"You're best friends with a girl," Eridan reminded Karkat.

"I guess," Karkat said bitterly. "She hasn't been my best friend since the accident, though, so I don't even fucking know."

"Yeah. Should I text Fef tonight?" Eridan changed the subject, redirecting it towards himself again.

"Did you not hear a word I just fucking said," Karkat asked without any inflection of a question. "The world doesn't revolve around you, psycho. Just give. Her. Space."

"Space and time," Eridan chanted. "I can do that, I can do that," Eridan wrung his hands together nervously.

"What did you even do till I got here?" Karkat asked, watching Eridan have a mini-breakdown.

"I, um, went into the bathroom for a little bit and listened to showtunes..."

"Uh-huh...?"

"And then I started cryin.'"

"Uh-huh," Karkat's lips quirked into a bitter smile. He looked out the window suddenly, beginning to hear the rain pitter patter against the glass. "It's raining."

"Yeah..." Eridan said contemplatively. He was looking off into space, zoning out again. Karkat was rather annoyed by this blatant self-pity, but Eridan was too stupid to notice.

"I can't believe it, Kar," Eridan said. "I thought that at least she would stay with me. She promised."

Suddenly, images of Feferi began to flash through his head. He could remember the first time they met, young and pudgy with the love from a mother. They had it it off right away, playing almost every single day together, playing in each other's houses, giggling, running.

She made Eridan happy, with her naive beliefs and her gentle touches. Whenever Eridan was with her, he could forget. He could be happy.

Eridan was a happy boy.

Until his dad got angry. Eridan couldn't remember what it was about, something stupid, he was sure. But with a bit of gin inside his father, and a bit of trouble at work, and he was raging, flying off the handle. Eridan could remember the hands, the hands everywhere, the quick, heavy hands that felt like whips. The scary part hadn't been any of the pain, but rather, the sound of the strikes cracking through his body. Like he was hollow.

Through that first beating, Eridan had seen his mother weeping. But she hadn't said a word, not even when her son was being stomped on by big, black boots. Not even when he was beaten by his father's leather belt. Through none of that did she say anything. Just silently sobbing and rocking back and forth.

When it was finally over, Eridan had crawled out of the house, bloodied and beaten to the point of being unrecognizable. More than anything, he wanted to see Feferi. More than he wanted to be stroked by his mother, more than he wanted his father to apologize, more than he wanted his wounds to magically disappear, he wanted to see Feferi, the sweet girl two doors down.

And when she had promised him she would never leave him, he probably could've died right then and there, a happy boy.

And as they grew and grew, and the beatings got worse, she stood by him, always smiling and caressing and hugging and swimming and doing everything she should've done. She was the best friend that Eridan could have dreamed of having and she was the only thing that mattered.

Her cascading hair that she struggled to grow out, her eyelashes that were thick and full, her secret stash of footsie pajamas, they were all so precious and dear to him, and he loved everything about her, more than anything. More than anything, he wanted to be able to hold her and protect her, to make her happy. She was everything good about people, everything perfect and sweet and kind and unscathed by the dirtiness of the world. She was so pure, like an angel. She was light and smiles and giggles and water, clean, unscathed and great. She had been to good for Eridan, who was dirty and cynical and disgusting.

And he knew it. But he couldn't let her go, he just couldn't.

Is it wrong to love someone so much that you won't let them go?

Feferi, who had stood next to him and only him, sacrificing everything for him...Eridan thought, he had really, truly thought that she felt the same way. That she needed him like he needed her.

But apparently, he didn't mean a thing to her. Those late nights of her painting his nails pink and curling his hair and them baking cookies together, and watching movies together, those races home, those heartfelt sob sessions, that deep, deep bond that Eridan thought he had forged with her.

It didn't exist anymore. It might as well have just poofed into the air, along with the rest of Eridan's unrecognized dreams and wishes and wants.

Nothing mattered; nothing existed.

Feferi didn't need him anymore. She had left him.

And she was better off without him.

"Oh god, Eridan, are you about to-"

Eridan started to shake with sobs.

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is KARKAT AND NOW YOU'RE STARTING TO GET FREAKED OUT.<strong>

"Oh fuck, here come the waterworks," Karkat was getting stressed. He was surprised that they hadn't come earlier. Eridan sat there and started to bawl, making a complete ass of himself. Karkat pulled his hood over his head just in case anyone saw, and then began to pat Eridan's head comfortingly. Fucking Scottish people.

Then, he pulled out his phone to type the water girl. He had gotten her number from Sollux ages ago.

_'GOOD FUCKING JOB, PRINCESS. I HOPE YOU'RE PLEASED WITH YOURSELF. I'M SITTING HERE DEALING WITH A SLOPPY PILE OF SOBBING SCOTTISH ANGST AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.'_

Send.

Karkat waited a few moments for a response. Finally, his phone vibrated on the table.

_'Well, I can't say t)(is for sure, but I'm pretty gos)( darn positive t)(at you're Karkat. And you're being mean. 38( You don't really know the situation, Karkat! So t)(is is R-EELY unfair. I feel R-EELY bad, and I don't really know w)(at I s)(ould do. And you're not )(elping!'_

Geh. Goddamn girls with their incessant goddamn whining and their stupid goddamn typing. Karkat's hand literally shook as he typed a response.

_'WELL GODDAMN IT, JUST FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. THIS MAKES ME SAD AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE ERIDAN. HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND, RIGHT? THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?'_

_'Karkat...YOU'R-E B-EING A )(UG-E, L-EAKY ASS)(OL-E. T)(AT'S RIGHT I SAID IT! Stop bullying me! I didn't want to )(urt -Eridan! But )(e doesn't LOV-E me, and you know it! )(e's just confused about )(is F-EELINGS._

_'YOU TYPE STUPID. AND SOLLUX THINKS YOU'RE STUPID.'_

_'S)(UT UP! 38('_

And their conversation ended there. Karkat decided to redirect his attention and the sobbing boy on the table rather than fucking around with the fickle girl with good hair.

"Come on, Eridan," he said gently. "Let's go to my place for a little while, okay?"

Eridan sat up and wiped his face with his sleeve. Then, he nodded.

Karkat had no idea what he was going to do once they got to his house, but he didn't particularly care. As long as they got out of that god-forsaken restaurant.

"Maybe you can even stay the night, wouldn't that be nice?" Karkat cooed, trying his damnedest to be comforting.

Eridan simply cried in response.

Karkat grumbled a string of curses and left a wad of bills on the table, hoping it would be enough to cover the meal. Eridan would definitely be paying him back later.

Stupid European fuckass.

He had to let Eridan physically fucking _lean_ on him so they could get out the door; Eridan was too much of a wreck to handle doing it himself.

Karkat looked into the night, letting warm rain droplets splash on his face. He looked at Eridan, who didn't seem to be noticing anything anymore.

It was at that moment that Karkat promised himself that he would never, ever admit his feelings to Sollux.

Never. Not if it meant he had to lose his best friend.

And looky there, yet another reason to get Feferi out of Sollux's life, Karkat noted. This was what happened when you started trying to fuck up fragile relationships.

Suicidal scrawny boys with purple hair cried in Italian restaurants.

As Karkat heaved Eridan into the front seat of his car, he shook his head. There was no way in hell that Sollux and Feferi were getting any closer.

Just, no fucking way. And if he had to get Eridan to help him make that a reality, he would.

"Eridan?" Karkat asked quietly in the dark car.

"Y-yeah?" Eridan choked.

"Would you do anything to get Feferi back?"

"Of course," Eridan sobbed, huddling despite the warmth.

"Then you can't give up, okay? I have a plan," Karkat lied. He didn't, really, but he figured this was the fastest way to implode Sollux and Feferi's relationship.

"A...a plan?" Eridan sniffled pathetically.

"Yeah, man. A plan."

Karkat started driving home, with a suddenly interested classmate in tow.

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><p><strong>Heehee, I had a lot of free time to wrap this up, soooo~~~<br>Yeeeey~~! I hope you liked it. I wasn't really planning on Karkat being a major character, but it just sort of happened. Annnnd, so yeah, a lot of...emotional(?) things happened in this chapter, and um, soooo, yeah, please let me know what your thoughts on it were! :)  
>See you next week!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**HI THERE. Really not very munch to say...Had some extra time...and so...Yep.**  
><strong>Heh, hope you like the chapterrrrr~~ It's sort of weird, but hey, I had a bit of a block...<br>SCHOOL GETS OUT NEXT WEEK, SO I'M SO THRILLED. /wiggles  
>I'll have more time for this, too! :o<strong>

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><p>When she woke up, the world seemed like a different place to Feferi.<p>

She peered out of her window; the sun was streaming innocently through the thick glass. It felt gentle on her bare skin and it made her smile.

For the first time in a very long while, she felt as though she could breathe freely, openly. Her entire body felt light, as though she would drift off at any given moment. She felt empty, like the sun could shine through her transparently.

The air that she breathed was overwhelming, almost too much. She had been so used to struggling for breath, so used to suffocation. All the weight that she had felt, all the stress and the pain and the struggle-

It was gone.

Feferi didn't know what to do about this newfound freedom of her's. And it suddenly occurred to her that she could be anyone, speak to anyone she wanted, be whoever she wanted.

She felt like a princess, drifting in her baby blue cotton dress and letting her thick, dark curls cascade down her back all the way to her waist. Smiling, Feferi slipped on her shoes lazily, floating out of her house down to The Creek.

It was an unseasonably cold day, and so Feferi made the conscious decision not to swim. She stretched once she stepped outside, letting the pale morning sun embrace her.

Feferi had not yet told Sollux about her separation from Eridan. Suddenly, doubt started to clench her stomach. Had she only left Eridan because she thought that it would make Sollux happy? She never used to get angry at Eridan's tantrums, at his sporadic verbal abuse, at his silent treatment, at his cold apathy, his passive aggressive silence.

But after she met Sollux, after she watched his eyes widen when she told him about the gun, the way he squeezed her hand whenever she talked about how much it could hurt, how he had hugged her when she began to cry. It made her realize that Eridan was not good for her, that he had driven away every single friend she had ever had, that he had made her his without her permission. He had stomped on her, yelled at her, hurt her, made her cry, played with her feelings, in so many instances, so many times, and no one had ever cared before.

But that was before Sollux. He made her realize so many things.

He made her realize that she needed to be apart from Eridan.

_"Fef...Don't leavve me, okay?"_

Feferi's eyes widened as she remembered that. By this point, all of her raw nerves were exposed, and it sent an electric shock through her veins. Guilt and pain consumed her; she could see Eridan's tear-filled eyes, his parted lips, his anguished trembling.

She stood still at the top of the hill, unable to move forward or back. What was she going to do? In the past, she had always forgiven Eridan, over and over and over and over again. Even though she knew that she would be better off without him, even though he hurt her, even though she knew that she didn't really make him happy...

Part of her missed him like crazy. Part of her felt...like...

...Maybe...maybe she should...

Suddenly, a text made her phone chime.

_"2o, FF, KK told me about some iintere2tiing thiing2. iinvolviing ED. meet up at the creek?"_

Feferi continued her hurried descent down the hill before she could run back to Eridan's house.

* * *

><p>"FF, give- me- the- <em>phone<em>!"

"No!"

**Your name is Feferi Peixes and you think you JUST MIGHT BE CERTIFIABLY INSANE.**

"Feferi Peixes, you hand that thing over right now!"

"Leave me alone!" Feferi rolled out of Sollux's grip, teetering perilously on a long, flat boulder.

"No, no, no, you're not doing this," Sollux lunged for her phone again, gritting his teeth in annoyance. "Dammit, this is good for you!"

"He needs me!" Feferi slapped Sollux's hand. "I was so stupid to do this! You don't understand, Sollux, he's my best friend! I need him!"

"Fuck you, FF!" Sollux cried. "Stop doing everything for him! That's all you ever do! Do something for yourself for once!"

**You don't know what Sollux is SAYING. You're so CONFUSED.**

Feferi's finger paused on the call button as her ears perked at Sollux's words. "I need him, though," she muttered, furrowing her eyebrows.

"You're not being selfish. You're just doing what's best for you. All you do is give and give, and he doesn't budge at all. And you know, it's not like he doesn't have other friends. He's actually friends with Karkat, you know! And then he gets pissed off because you have friends? He's trying to dominate you, FF, he's trying to be the only person that matters to you, and that's not fucking okay!"

**You don't CARE. You need Eridan. You NEED HIM. YOU NEED HIM.**

"But, Sollux," Feferi was about to launch into her speech. "You don't understand; his entire life-"

**Excuses that you spur, excuses for the truth. YOU NEED HIM.**

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, he had it rough," Sollux growled. "Cry me a _fucking_ river!"

"Don't downplay his experiences!" Feferi yelled. She felt suddenly protective of Eridan. "You don't know what he's been through!"

She stood and glared at Sollux, deeply disappointed. Who was he to tell her how to handle her best friend?

Sollux didn't say anything; instead, he began to take his shirt off.

"Sollux...what...what are you doing."

"Shut up for a minute."

Feferi watched him from atop the rock, putting her at a good two feet above him. She watched him below her as he wrapped his thin arms around his pale frame. He looked up at Feferi and slowly began to unfurl his arms.

Feferi gasped.

Roped scars lined his back, crescent moon fingernail scars were engraved in his shoulders. White flesh turned whiter in long, drawn out lines. There was also a scar across his chest, a long, thin one.

**You don't know what's going on. Sollux wasn't SUPPOSED to be MESSED UP, too. He was SUPPOSED to be YOUR ROCK, YOUR EVERLASTING NORMAL FRIEND.**

"Sollux," Feferi breathed. She descended from atop her rock and stood next to Sollux. He looked at her, shame rotting his eyes behind his thick, gaudy lenses.

"Eridan and I are a lot more alike then he realizes."

**You don't WANT TO LISTEN ANYMORE. You tune him out. **

**You shut down.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"This might have been...a bad idea..."<p>

**Your name is Feferi Peixes, and you really shouldn't have let Sollux drag you here.**

"Heehee~! Who is this fragrant doll with you, Sollux~?"

Feferi automatically took a few steps back, feeling wildly uncomfortable.

She shot Sollux a terrified look and he rolled his eyes at her.

"Come on, TZ, you're freaking her out."

"Oh~~?" she giggled good-naturedly, taking in a huge gulp of air, sniffing Feferi. "Wait, Sollux, I'm trying to figure out who she is."

"That's creepy as _fuck_, TZ. And you were creepy _before_ you went blind."

The girl with thick candy glasses simply ignored Sollux, leaning even farther out of the door. "Smells like water and religion."

"Religion?"

"Yes, Sollux, she smells like religion. This is either some creepy bible thumper, or a nice girl that swims a lot."

**Oh God, why did you let Sollux talk you into coming here? You barely know Terezi, and you hate parties. **

"Oh, I know who this is!" Terezi clapped her hands excitedly. "_Feferi Peixes_."

**Oh God, that was so fucking scary that you've temporarily lost the ability to speak. This chick needed to be committed. Look at her, she's so fucking weird. With her swishy hips and her tight jeans and her funny black hair, and those _glasses_, man, those _glasses_. What was with those glasses?**

"TZ! Cut it out!" Sollux barked, shoving the girl's thin frame out of the doorway. He grabbed Feferi's wrist and tugged her inside. Terezi was still grinning like a lunatic, her unnaturally pointed teeth looking deadly. She waved at Feferi slowly, then blew her a kiss.

"I'll see you, soon, Lovely Doll~!"

Feferi nervously hid her face from the blind girl's awkward stare. She could hear Terezi cackling, and Sollux laughed nervously.

"Don't mind her. She's just...unique is all."

**Sollux has become insistent that you come to one of Terezi's parties, insisting that you'll have a great time and make a lot of friends. You really don't buy that.**

"You're telling me," muttered Feferi. The room was scented, and it smelled like dripping flowers. It was almost overpowering, the strange sweet bitterness of the throbbing music and the melting afternoon. Feferi's senses had been lit on fire, every nerve was wired and she didn't know what to do.

"Hey, Sollux!" a familiar voice grumped its way over to their ears, and Feferi watched Sollux's face suddenly light up.

"KK!" he cried, turning and picking Karkat high up into the air.

"Put me down!" he shrieked, earning the pair a few suspicious stares. Sollux lowered him and grinned.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to come, man, since you're all faggy these days and whatnot. Aradia was all like: Oh, Karkat's studying. I didn't believe it, but you know, maybe you're trying to turn your life around or some shit, and...-Um, KK?"

Karkat had long since ceased listening, and was instead looking at Feferi with disbelief. He turned to Sollux with disgust and pointed at Feferi.

"You brought _her_ here? What the _fuck_ were you thinking?" Karkat shook with anger.

"Shut the fuck up, KK. Don't be a dick," Sollux stood up straighter, standing his ground. "I can take whoever I want wherever I want. It's not up to you."

"Goddammit, that's so fucking stupid. She doesn't belong here. Why in the holy fuck would you think that's a good idea?" Karkat spat.

"Um, I'm sorry, this was a bad idea. I can, I can just go," Feferi timidly chimed. She didn't want to be responsible for driving a wedge between Karkat and Sollux.

"What? Are you serious? Look what you did, KK, you're such a fucking bully!"

"I'm the bully? Me? Are you fucking kidding me!"

The two began to argue without pausing for breath, screaming at each other.

Feferi took that moment to slip away from the room, trying to navigate through the massive tangle of bodies to find the front door.

"Oh-oh-oh, dear, where do you think you're going?"

Feferi stiffened suddenly, recognizing the shrill giggle immediately. The scent of ginger and jasmine permeated the air and Feferi heard the girl take a deep, long breath. Terezi.

"Oh," Terezi whined. "You seem sad~ What's wrong? Are those two being unpleasant?"

Feferi didn't say anything, instead turning and laughing nervously. Terezi stared (?) at her for a very long time, one hand resting on her popped hip. Her head was cocked and she stood in the narrow hallway calmly. She took Feferi's hand gently, smiling comfortingly.

"You seem lonely, Feferi. Are you lonely?"

"Well, I mean, I really don't-It's just...I don't know, I guess?" Feferi timidly shuffled away from Terezi, watching a grin nearly split her face.

"Well, then come on, dear. What are you waiting for? You won't have any fun with those two!"

"Wha-"

Terezi suddenly jerked Feferi down the hallway, a loud cackle rippling through her throat. Feferi found herself at a set of tan stairs, and Terezi pushed her up them forcefully. She was surprisingly strong.

"Where are we-" Feferi felt so disoriented, so confused and foggy-headed. Terezi had that effect, Feferi would come to find. You couldn't keep a clear head when she was around. Something about her was so fantastical and intoxicating, completely offbeat and appealing, so...attractive.

"Here we are~!" Terezi squealed, opening a long white door with crayon marks running up and down the panels. "This is my room! Now, listen, I know I didn't ask before I brought you here, but you don't seem very social. And so, I didn't believe that asking anything would be productive."

The smell was the first thing that hit Feferi. It smelled like oxymorons, like dust and wetness, like pain and pleasure, like sugar and fire. She looked at the well-lit room, the long, lovely carpet, and the few girls sitting cross-legged on it. Feferi's eyes traveled to the colorful explosions of walls, covered in paints and crayons and pastels of every variety. Some of the pictures were truly lovely, abstract and attention-grabbing.

Even the ceiling was covered in a huge portrayal of clouds and stars and the sun, but all of the colors were wrong. The stars were pastel purples and blues and pinks, the clouds were striped and vividly colored with neon hues of orange and green. Something about it was highly seductive, and Feferi found herself adoring the whimsical landscape that was Terezi Pyrope's bedroom. The music downstairs was muted and the vibrations could be felt through the floor, but it felt like this was a different house, like Feferi had walked into a whole nother neighborhood when she went through Terezi's door.

She now understood why Sollux had laughed when she asked him if there would be drugs at the party.

_"TZ is trippy enough as it is_," he had said. _"Drugs wouldn't do a thing for her. She doesn't need them."_

It was true, she noted. She felt high just being near the girl.

"Oh, well, look at that, Terezi~!" a small black girl giggled. Fake cat ears adorned her hair as she cheerfully pointed at Feferi. "It's that one girl!"

"It's rude to point, Nepeta!" Terezi gently chastised the girl. "She has a name, you know!"

"Whoops," Nepeta giggled. Feferi eyed her suspiciously; this was the girl who threw that infamous party last year.

"I do believe that her name is Feferi," a cross legged blonde girl muttered disinterestedly. Her short blonde bob fell in shags, and her tidy black headband caught in the light. Feferi had seen the girl around the hallways, but had never spoken to her. Her legs were splayed on top of a different girl, with dark skin and an adorable black shock of hair. Feferi focused, trying to place the two.

"I'm Kanaya," the dark haired one offered. "Rose, introduce myself."

"Why? You just introduced me for her," Rose said lazily, leaning back and stretching her legs even farther across Kanaya's legs.

Feferi giggled nervously. All these people, all these girls. This was weird.

"Heeeeeey, aren't you Ampora's girl?" one girl chittered, her long black tresses bouncing with lively animation. She held a stuffed dog in her lap and beamed proudly at Feferi from behind her big glasses.

"Um...Eridan and I...aren't...we were never..."

"Jade, that was tactless," Rose said, wagging her finger. "It's exceptionally rude to make such wild assumptions. We know nothing of the true nature of her relationship with Mr. Ampora."

"Oooops," the bespectacled girl covered her mouth with her hands. "Sorry!"

"It's fine," Feferi smiled.

The room was tense for a few moments, with all of the girls training their eyes shamelessly on Feferi.

"Wow, I can smell the awkward!" Terezi cackled, haphazardly shoving Feferi onto her bed. "Guys, this is Feferi. Feferi, this is guys."

"N...nice to meet you...?" Feferi braced her weight on her hands that were behind her.

"I had to save her from the downstairs!" Terezi frowned.

Kanaya sighed. "Terezi, please do recall that you are the one who decided to host such an event. If you find it to be unsuitable to your sensitive emotional pallet or otherwise unpleasant in any way, you have the ability to correct the situation in any way that you deem appropriate and swift-"

"Kanaya, dear, you're rambling again," cooed Rose, smiling warmly. Kanaya blushed and averted her eyes, mumbling an apology. Feferi quirked one eyebrow, wondering if the two were..._together_.

"Ugh, cut it out!" complained Terezi. "I can _taste_ the lust! Classy lesbians, I swear."

Nepeta giggled, helping Jade stack up a bunch of colorful blocks. "Classy!"

"Come here, Feferi," Jade beckoned, gesturing to the blocks as she smiled wildly. "It's fun!"

Feferi slowly walked over to the huge pile. She sat down on the floor cross-legged, running the pads of her fingers across the colored surfaces. Suddenly, her phone buzzed.

Feferi plucked it out of her pocket out of habit. She tapped the screen, and there it was: _Fef? Are you talkin to me yet?_

She slid the phone discreetly back into her pocket. She wasn't sure how to respond yet; she'd deal with it later.

"So what was our dear Terezi saving you from?" asked Kanaya sweetly.

"Karkat and Sollux were being horny dustdouches, and so~" Terezi said, flipping her hand absently as she sat across from Kanaya and Rose.

"A new buddy to chill in Terezi's trip skip," Jade giggled. "We get a new one every so often."

"Trip...skip?" Feferi asked gently.

"I find that lonely people need to be not-lonely," Terezi ticked her pointer finger back and forth. "Guys are assholes, everyone wears a mask, and sometimes, all people need is someone to tell them that they have friends if they need them."

"Thus, the trip skip of Terezi's room," Nepeta hugged a pillow close to her chest. "Although, I'm not sure if you're allowed to have friends, right Feferi?"

"Um..."

"It's complicated," Kanaya saved Feferi. "I know Mr. Ampora relatively well at this point, and he's certainly a negative influence on everyone he meets, but, well...there's something rather...attractive about him, wouldn't you say?"

"I think I know," Terezi sighed. "He's just so overbearing, but you just want to help him out since he's just so damned pathetic."

"I've never seen you outside of school," said Jade, her eyes widening wonderously. "If you don't mind me asking...did something happen with you and Eridan?"

"I...I don't...Well, I did something pretty dumb," Feferi admitted. Suddenly, all eyes were fixed on Feferi, silently and gently inquisitive. "I told him I didn't think we should be friends anymore."

Everyone gawked at her for several moments.

It was punctuated by the awkward buzz of her phone, signalling Eridan's frustration. Buzz. Buzz. Buzzbuzz.

Everyone looked at her knowingly as she held her thigh nervously.

"Oh," Rose said, apparently ignoring the obnoxious buzzing. "Well, if he was as toxic as he appears, I can't blame you. There's no reason to stay with someone who makes you miserable, now is there?" She smiled comfortingly.

"You don't seem happy, though," Nepeta quietly murmured.

**Happy? You thought you WERE HAPPY. What are you doing? Why can't you LET GO?**

"I guess I'm scared. Besides Eridan, my only friend is Sollux, and even he..."

**EVEN HE IS FUCKED UP.**

"Is a total jerk half the time," Jade finished, nodding her head. "I know what you mean. Aradia's really the only one who puts up with him. None of us know why. He's pretty toxic himself."

"He can be so nice, though," Feferi explained. "It's like, it's like...It's like he's two different people. He's different when no one's around!"

"Sounds like you've got the hots for him," Terezi smirked.

Feferi didn't say anything, instead just staring at Terezi in shock.

**Wow, you're such a BAD PERSON. You can't even BELIEVE YOURSELF. **

**So THAT'S WHY you were able to leave Eridan. Because of a CRUSH?  
><strong>

"Haha, don't have to explain it to me, babycakes. Sollux is one fine ass walking, and I don't blame you," Terezi cackled. Suddenly she stopped laughing. "But, you need to understand that he has more issues that I can count on my fingers and toes. You gotta be careful with that one, or else he's liable to drag you down with him."

"We're just friends," Feferi shook her head.

"Nobody gets close to Sollux and stays _just friends_," Jade looked pointedly at Feferi. "Sometimes, I think that the only people who matter to him are Karkat and Aradia. And it's dangerous to mess with that. You've actually already done something pretty spectacular-you know, infiltrating their weird little world."

Suddenly, Feferi flashed back to when she saw the roped scars on his back, the bulging mass of tissues and long stifled blood.

**You don't want to think about this. You stop thinking about that. You stop right now.**

"I wasn't trying to do anything like that," Feferi argued.

"But you did," Rose smiled. "Terezi's been mentioning bringing you here for quite awhile, and she said that you would need us. She's pretty good at guessing things like that."

Feferi looked at Terezi, surprised.

"Don't think Sollux is your only friend," Terezi smiled. "You've got us now."

"We meet often enough," Rose muttered under her breath. "We're like a fucking support group, I swear."

"Why? You guys don't even know me," Feferi frowned. This whole thing felt surreal, like a dream.

"A lot of times, it's hard to tell people's intentions, why they want to see you, why they want to talk to you. Do they want to be friends? Are they just there because they have to be? It's a lot easier when you're straight up asked, 'Hey do you wanna be friends?' rather than having to guess around about how someone feels about you," Terezi closed her eyes. "Vriska taught me that. You sometimes have to let people trust you, and I've watched a lot of lonely people pass through my house. And I promised myself that I wouldn't let them stay lonely. And you," she opened her blind eyes, "Are one of the loneliest girls I've ever seen."

**Lonely. LONELY. **

**Who made you lonely? Was it Eridan? Or was it you?  
><strong>

**Ha. This whole thing tastes so bitter, and you DON'T WANT TO BE FREE of your CHAINS, you don't want to BREATHE FRESH AIR, you want to be trapped with ERIDAN. You want that, you want that, YOU WANT THAT.  
><strong>

**But you don't.  
><strong>

**You want to be happy, prancing around in the LIGHT, with FRIENDS and SMILES and GIGGLES.  
><strong>

**You make a decision. You will trust these GIRLS. You pray that they will show you that you DON'T NEED ERIDAN.  
><strong>

"So, then...You want to be my friend?" Feferi still personally found the entire thing to be absurd, but hey, she wasn't complaining. She had made up her mind.

"Yeah!" chorused Nepeta and Jade. Rose nodded solemnly and Kanaya looked at Feferi with a calm, tender look.

"So, to initiate you, we'll have a massive sleepover this weekend at...how about Rose's?" Terezi looked to Rose.

"Sure, I'm okay with that," Rose smiled mildly, her black lips curling.

"Will you come?" Rose looked at Feferi.

**Your name is FEFERI PEIXES. You're starting to realize that SOLLUX WAS RIGHT. You don't have to be ALONE and there are NICE PEOPLE here to help you. He was RIGHT ABOUT TEREZI when he told you that she wouldn't LET YOU BE LONELY.**

**Now, they're ACCEPTING YOU for no goddamned reason, but you're loving it, and now...you're faced with a decision.**

**WHAT WILL YOU DO?**

"Sure, I'll come," Feferi smiled. Her phone buzzed again, but instead of reading the text that she knew was from Eridan, she just silenced her phone.

It was time for them both to move on.

And now, she could. With Sollux, with all of her new friends, she could rebuild her life.

Feferi smiled. She hadn't been this happy in a long time.

Silently, Feferi said her goodbyes. To her old life crying in the shower, to not talking to anyone, to walking around in a daze, to letting Eridan use her as an emotional punching bag, to checking Eridan's wrists for cuts, to the chains that she had put on her herself...

She said goodbye to it all, and let the thoughts of Eridan swirl away.

She never had to go back.

**But then WHY does it FEEL LIKE you're simply LYING TO YOURSELF? Why does it seem like you're saying, "SEE YOU LATER," rather than "GOODBYE"?**

Nervousness clenched her stomach. This was a brave new world, and she was ready to jump in. She didn't even care anymore.

She would try, really try. Try to be happy.

Try to smile.

* * *

><p><strong>I feel like this chapter was too...depressing? Too slow? I feel like barely anything happened, but I plan on progressing the story a lot in the next chapter or so. So, please be patient with me! I just wanted to get all this stuff handled...cry  
>Ugh, and sorry for the slow update. I mean, gosh, this actually parallels my life in a lot of ways, so...Yeah, that's kind of why I wrote it in the first place. But the real life situation has escalated and imploded, so...ugh. I don't even know. I guess this is wish fulfillment, cause I can change these things to suite my desires. And hurrah! I guess I'll just let this take me wherever...dramatic stare into the distance  
>Heehee~! Well, see you next week! Thanks for listening to my mini-rant. o_o<br>Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hii~ It feels like forever since I've updated...Two weeks, huh? Wow, guys, sorryyyyy...I've been...doing nothing really, I have no excuse. I've been K-popping and Tumblr-ing.  
>MONEY LOVE FASHION FAME AND ALL THAT'S IN BETWEEN.<br>Bonus points to anyone who knows what song that's from. I've been listening to it nonstop. And a bunch of other songs...Like Replay and Doradora.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Feferi: Be the other girl.<strong>

"Aradia!"

**You are now THE OTHER GIRL.**

Karkat huffed tiredly, bracing his hands on his knees. He looked at Aradia with wet, lively eyes.

**Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO. You are SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD, but who cares, really? You know that NOBODY will REMEMBER how old you are and that NOBODY particularly CARES IN THE FIRST PLACE. This is simply a pleasantry. **

"Hi Karkat," Aradia already knew what Karkat was going to start whining about, and she was, quite frankly, more than a little bit annoyed. He was going to launch into how upset he was that Sollux had brought _that girl_ to Terezi's party. He was going to sit there and whine and bitch and complain. He was normal sometimes, like any other teenage boy, but when he got into his moods, he acted more like a middle aged woman.

His small frame shivered angrily as he fixed his eyes on her.

Karkat's infatuation with Sollux is absolutely sickening at this point. Did he not notice that Sollux knew? Everyone freaking knew. But Karkat thought that since Sollux wasn't confronting the issue, that meant that he had to flirt more, more, more, harder. No. That was so stupid. The reason Sollux hadn't said anything was because he was scared to lose his best friend. He didn't want to lose Karkat, and if Sollux rejected him, you'd better believe that Karkat would be out the door in a heartbeat.

**Karkat tends to WHINE AND BITCH about ERIDAN AMPORA a lot also, but to YOU, this is seriously IRONIC. Karkat doesn't seem to realize that he does EXACTLY WHAT ERIDAN DOES. It's simply that Sollux and Feferi cope with it in very different ways.**

"Seriously, Aradia, like, what was up with that stunt he pulled at Terezi's?" Karkat flipped out a cigarette and a lighter, lighting the end of it. Aradia rolled her eyes. Karkat didn't even like smoking; he only did that when he wanted to draw attention to the fact that he was upset. Like, 'Hey, look at me. I'm so upset that I'm smoking. Comfort me. Comfort me.'

He was _such _a whiny _bitch_.

"He can do anything he wants. That girl is of no concern to us," Aradia's eyelids fluttered. She sipped from her can of vending machine coffee. It was disgusting, but she forced the sludge down her throat. She didn't really sleep these days, so she needed all the help she could get. "Let him do what he wants, Karkat."

"No! Are you crazy? Aradia, what is _wrong_ with you?" Karkat snarled. He looked at her, disgusted, then shook his head. "You seriously...just, oh my _God_. I don't even know who you are anymore."

**You knew that Karkat's words should have OFFENDED you, but really, the only thing that's BUGGING YOU is how GROSS the coffee is.  
><strong>

"Why do you care?" Aradia murmured into her coffee. Karkat started at those words and blushed.

"No reason. He's just, Sollux is _our's_, Aradia," Karkat covered his mouth with one sleeve and avoided Aradia's imploring stare. She shamed him with her eyes, with her body language. She wanted to shame him until he was a crying mess. Sure enough, Karkat shrank from her gaze.

Soon, however, she found the activity to be boring.

Aradia let her eyes flicker away, around their surroundings. The sun was already high in the sky. School had ended recently, anticlimactically, quietly.

Summer was flirting with spring, and the flowers were in full bloom under the scalding ball of fire. There was a light breeze, a hitch in the wind that prevented the sun from being overwhelming. She knew that she should have enjoyed the weather, but she felt gray on the inside. Her cold hands were un-warmable, it seemed. The warm coffee in her hands did nothing but become a nuisance.

"It really doesn't bother you at all?" Karkat said quietly. It took Aradia a moment to realize that he had said something. She was to busy focusing on the coffee cup.

**It doesn't BOTHER you. Why would it? Sollux has NOTHING to do with you. You have NOTHING to do with him. You two are mutually exclusive.**

"It doesn't bother me," Aradia said, shutting her eyes delicately. Karkat looked at her with deep concern.

"Alright. I'll stop talking about it then," Karkat frowned and stomped on the cigarette that they both knew he hated.

"You can keep talking," Aradia said. She looked to the trees. She was near the gym, where she always hung out. There was a lovely little vending machine and a lovely little bench, and a lovely little view. Karkat always knew to run here when he wanted to talk to her. "I don't mind if you want to rant about it."

Karkat looked at her shyly. "Really? No, it's annoying. I'm sorry."

"If you want to leave, I don't really care. If you want to stay, I don't really care. You can tell me if you want. You can not tell me if you don't. Don't try to pull that cute shit to get me to beg you tell me your feelings," Aradia looked at Karkat with a cutting gaze. She didn't like it when people were fake.

"Ha, sorry. I guess...I guess I'll take you up on your offer," Karkat murmured. He smirked and sat down on the white concrete. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Aradia took another careful sip of her disgusting coffee and halfway tuned into Karkat's long rambling. He wiped his nose on his sleeve. Sometimes, he really acted like a little kid. It made him seem pitiful, and Aradia felt bad for him. She didn't mean to snap at him all the time; she was just trying to be honest.

**But does he have to be so annoying?**

Aradia scowled at her coffee instead of Karkat. She wished she could summon the energy to care about Karkat's feelings.**  
><strong>

**Be the OTHER GIRL AGAIN.**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is FEFERI PEIXES.<strong>

"You should take this," Sollux held up a pair of laced pink underwear and smirked from behind his glasses.

"Sollux!" Feferi smacked them out of his hand and kicked him. "You can't just go through other people's belongings, you asshole!"

"What? I was just trying to help," Sollux chuckled wryly and grabbed one of Feferi's wrists. "It's not my fault you have underwear just lying around. Take better care of your stuff."

Feferi scowled, then softened and smiled. "I will," she drawled.

**You are getting ready for ROSE'S SLEEPOVER TONIGHT. SOLLUX is over at your place trying to help you pack.**

"This is weird. I've never been to a sleepover before," Feferi commented, folding a pajama shirt and tucking it into her bag. Sollux wheeled around to stare at her, his mouth a box of shock.

"Never?"

"Never," Feferi said solemnly.

"Well I'll be damned," Sollux murmured, sitting on the edge of Feferi's bed.

"Eridan would've gotten mad," Feferi explained. As if on cue, her phone buzzed against her wooden nightstand. She watched Sollux's eyebrows raise behind his glasses.

"Oh my, whoever could that be?" Sollux asked, dramatically splaying one hand over his forehead and leaning back. "Could it be a certain grumpy jilted Scottish douche?"

"Sollux," Feferi warned. He snorted and grabbed her phone. Feferi made a half-hearted attempt to stop him, but then realized that it was pointless.

_"Wway to ignore me, Fef_," Sollux said, highly affected. He perched one hand next to his face, scrunching his face up to look as sassy as possible.

"Did he really say that?" Feferi asked cautiously.

"Mhmm," Sollux mumbled absently, as he tapped her screen rapidly.

"Hey! Are you typing a response?" Feferi protested. She through a pair of pajama bottoms at him. "I did _not_ authorize that!"

"You want me to stop?" Sollux peered at Feferi. She flushed angrily.

"Yes, I want you to stop!"

Sollux smirked, which was never a good thing. "Make me."

Feferi was so riled up at this point, that she didn't think twice before charging him and beating him on the chest. "Give it back, give it back, _give it back!"_

"Make me, make me, make me!" Sollux retorted, laughing at her beatings.

"Agh!" she lunged for the phone and wondered how many times they had been through this. She really did have to start hiding her phone.

But then again...

**You inhale the fresh scent of Sollux's shampoo and try to suppress a grin. You wonder again about what TEREZI said, about you LIKING HIM. **

Suddenly off of her game, Feferi stopped hitting Sollux altogether, instead fixing him with an intense, annoyed glare.

"What?" Sollux asked defensively. "Here, you can have your damn phone."

Feferi didn't take it, and instead stared at Sollux. She was sitting perched atop his chest, her hands splayed across his heart. She felt heat beginning to creep up her neck, and an itch growing in her fingers. Her heart accelerated and she worked her mouth into a twisted, bitter frown.

Was this what it felt like to have a crush on someone? She liked Sollux well enough, didn't she?

"FF?" Sollux asked her. He scrutinized her features, morbidly curious.

She didn't respond and instead looked away quickly.

"Feferi?" he asked quietly, reaching up a tentative hand to stroke a stray lock of her hair. It was one of the few times that he had used her actual name and it made her heart swell and quiver with a feeling she didn't quite understand.

"It's, um, it's nothing," Feferi said quickly, starting to slide off of him.

She looked at him a last time, feeling remarkably guilty. She didn't want to lose her only friend over some stupid crush. Feferi couldn't tell him. She just couldn't.

As she tried to stand, Sollux grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down.

"Wait," he said with a desperate hitch to his voice. Feferi's heart leapt again behind her chest. She was pulled down on her knees next to him, and he sat up and looked at her.

"What is it, Soll-"

**And then, he KISSED you.**

Feferi made a small squeak of surprise at the sensation, the warmth. She closed her eyes briefly, her heart on the verge of bursting.

Sollux pulled back abruptly, flushed. He started and leaned back, away from her. "Oh my God, FF, I'm sorry. I, I, I'm tho fucking thorry, I don't know wh-"

Feferi pressed her lips against his again, hungrily. She had never been kissed before, and she had never really wanted to have been. She felt drunk off of his lips, and her shoulders trembled demurely, delicately. A shudder rippled through her, and she realized that she didn't want Sollux to leave. She wanted him to stay.

**You want him to be BY YOUR SIDE, to watch MOVIES WITH YOU, to EAT WITH YOU, to SWIM WITH YOU, to SLEEP NEXT TO YOU, to GO TO THE PARK WITH YOU, to WALK YOU TO SCHOOL, to CARRY YOUR BOOKS, to DO HOMEWORK WITH YOU, to BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER.**

The feeling was alien to her, completely foreign. Was this how all crushes felt?

She wished she could stay suspended in this saccharine moment, crushed by feelings that were simultaneously heavy with consequence and light with the current.

Sollux touched her shoulder gently, and finally, finally, painstakingly, drew away from her. Feferi looked at his face, his tomato red cheeks and smiled. She buried her head in his chest, and he folded his arms around her.

"Was...um, was that...um, okay?" he asked. Feferi heard his heart thundering in his chest.

She nodded wordlessly.

"I, um," Sollux coughed, and it rattled his rib cage. "I...I like you a lot, FF. You're really cool."

"Thanks," Feferi smiled at his awkward diction and his uncomfortable body language. He was a shy mess right now, completely different from what everyone thought of him. He was her Sollux, bashful and sweet and painfully awkward, rather than everyone else's Sollux, angsty and arrogant and superficial.

She wished she could hold him forever, her Sollux, right here with her where he belonged.

She slid back and stared up at him. He smiled, all teeth and goofiness and adorable dimples. She never saw him smile like this with Karkat and Aradia. She had never seen him look this unabashedly happy before.

And in that moment, Feferi loved him more than anything. More than anything in the whole wide world, her precious little secret boy.

* * *

><p>"You did <em>what<em>?" Terezi's jaw dropped to the ground. "With _who_?"

**Your name is FEFERI PEIXES and you are in ROSE LALONDE'S closet with TEREZI because you had to tell her something DREADFULLY IMPORTANT.**

"You heard me the first time," Feferi murmured sheepishly.

Terezi threw her head back and cackled. "Wow, that boy really is a heart stealer! Don't you worry your pretty little head about it, dearie."

Terezi grabbed Feferi's shoulders and opened the closet door.

"Rose! _Kanaya_! Come here, please, darlings!" she called. Rose and Kanaya were there in a flash, both looking overwhelmingly refined and motherfucking classy.

"You called?" leered Kanaya. The four of them were the only ones there at the time. Nepeta was sick and couldn't make an appearance, and Jade was caught up doing something or other and would be a few hours late.

"I did," Terezi mimicked the sophisticated tone that Kanaya and Rose naturally enunciated their words with.

"May we be so forward as to ask _why_?" Rose smiled dryly.

"Well," Terezi said, clapping her hands. She adjusted her red glasses and turned to Feferi. "This one has been up to interesting activities and needs advice. I thought no one would be better suited for this type of thing than the two classiest lesbians I know."

Kanaya 'tch'ed' loudly and put a thin hand on her hip. "Should I perceive your brash comments to be a means of flattery or simply offensive?"

"I would lean more toward the middle, Kanaya dear," Rose nodded knowingly.

"Well, that aside," Kanaya said, turning to Feferi. "What is the problem?"

"I...um, I..." Feferi felt her collar grow hot. She wasn't used to wearing her most vulnerable information on her sleeve like this. "Well, actually, it's just that...well, Sollux..and I..."

Terezi threw her head back in an exaggerated display of boredom. "They kissed," she said flatly.

Rose's mouth popped open in a big 'o' and Kanaya's eyes widened.

"What?" they asked simultaneously, with the same shade of unadulterated shock in their inflections.

"Who didn't see it coming, though?" Terezi grinned, showing off her large white teeth.

"Me," Feferi frowned. "I didn't."

"Well, that's besides the point, anyways," Rose said, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. "I get the distinct impression that you've only actually begun associating with other people quite recently, is that correct, Feferi?"

"Yes, that's right," Feferi shrank to half of her size.

"If that's the case, then it's unsurprising that you would be susceptible to all sorts of social dangers," Kanaya chimed.

"Social dangers like _Sollux_," Terezi nodded hugely.

"Sollux isn't a social danger. I wish people would stop acting like he's a terrible person," Feferi complained meekly, folding her arms across her chest.

"He very rarely sees people as anything more than toys. Can you know for certain that he sees you as a friend rather than a distraction?" Kanaya crossed her arms and furrowed her brow in concentration.

"Of course!" Feferi cried in defense.

"She's really earnest, at least. Doesn't seem like the type of person that would be so involved with Sollux, does she?" Terezi turned to Rose.

"No, she doesn't. Listen, Feferi, he is...really, I guess, rather...how can I explain this?" Rose looked to Kanaya for help.

"He's really quite manipulative. He hides behind social facades and masks. He's completely fake. He hangs around Karkat, who is equally depraved, and he destroyed Aradia," Kanaya closed her eyes and leaned against the wall, fixing her concentration on her memories.

"Aradia used to be one of us," Terezi explained. "She used to be really different."

"What an understatement," Rose muttered bitterly. "She's turned into someone else entirely."

"It's true. She used to be like Jade, I guess, jumpy and happy. Now you're lucky to provoke her into speaking," Kanaya looked at the floor sadly. "It would be unfair to blame only Sollux, though."

"It was Vriska's fault, too, of course," Terezi agreed.

**You have HEARD VRISKA SERKET'S name before, always followed by a SHUDDER or an INSULT. You can't really RECALL what she's LIKE, though.**

"It seems like everything is usually her fault," Feferi chuckled nervously. She was starting to get more and more apprehensive by the second. It didn't help that her phone kept buzzing periodically from texts from Eridan.

"Yeah, she's sort of a bitch," Terezi said solemnly.

"But regardless," Feferi shook her head, "Sollux is a good guy. He just...acts like a dick a lot."

Kanaya and Rose exchanged a long look.

"You can do whatever you want," Kanaya started. "It's just..."

"It's just that there's a lot you may not know about him," Rose finished desperately. "Things he's done, things he's tried to do."

"To be fair, a lot of it is just rumor, but regardless, you don't earn a reputation like his without _some_ of it being true," Terezi bounced one leg nervously.

"Well, then, can one of you fill me in?" Feferi implored hopefully. This was what friends were for, right?

The three girls exchanged pained expressions.

"Are you sure?" Kanaya asked, running a dark hand through her jet black locks. Her fingers caught at the snarls at the end of her short waves.

"Yes! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you can't un-know things, Feferi. You can't un-think things. Or un-hear them. For all we know, he's trying to turn things around, and this might just mess it up. We don't really know," Terezi crossed her arms. "We don't want to be responsible for ruining anything, especially when we probably don't even know the whole story."

**This is getting STRESSFUL. SCARY. Do you WANT to hear? Or do you want to STAY IGNORANT?**

**WHAT DO YOU DO?**

"It's fine," Feferi said quietly. She looked to each girl. "I want to know. I'd rather know these things now than later in the halls."

"Alright," sighed Rose. "If you're so positive about your intentions. Come sit here with me. Terezi, Kanaya, you come to."

Feferi slid onto the soft bed with its black, satin sheets.

"Let's start with Aradia," Terezi said, leaning back on the bedpost. "Let's see. I guess it started at Nepeta's party."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, that didn't take very long...I just sat down for like a hour, and bam. Done. I can't believe I've been so lazy...Summer, man. _Summer_. It's such a _relief._ I've just been doing, like, nothing, handling my own drama and watching my baby brother and cleaning and stuff. Jeeeeeeez, I'll try to update faster, guys. Sorryyyyy! Ah, and I haven't even proofread this chapter. I just...ahhhhh...my brother is stirring from his nap, so I just want to put the chapter upppp.../cries forever.  
>I'm sorry for any dumb mistakes or awkward wording or anything. ;A;<br>****Ah...well, please, please review~~ It makes me _so_ happy. You can never understand the power that reviews have on meeeee. Bye bye~~!**


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter was literally painful to write. It's so _long_. My fingers hurt.  
>But I don't know. I felt like this was something that was sort of far from what happened in the actual Homestuck. I was like, Um. There's no way to, like, make Vriska mind-controlling and Sollux mind-honeying be realistic...sooooo...there was this instead.<br>I don't know, I guess I worked weirdly hard on this chapter. I really wanted to do justice to Aradia, and to try to get her relationships accurate...I hope I did alright. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy the latest installment~~**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO and you're not about to let some TRIO of WEIRD HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS tell your story for you.<strong>

**You'll take it from here.**

* * *

><p><strong>You have recently turned SIXTEEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

"Sollux?" Aradia chimed over the phone. She sat next to Karkat, who was fiddling with the fray on the bottom of his shirt. Karkat seemed even more pissy than usual, which was saying something, considering that it was the night of Nepeta's party, which was a big deal.

"Yeah?" Sollux's familiar, quizzical voice chuckled on the other line.

"You're running late," blurted Aradia. "Karkat and I are at the bus station waiting for you, so try to hurry, okay?"

Sollux laughed on the other line, sounding breathless. He was probably running or walking or something. "Hey, calm down, AA. I'll be there in a minute. You can stay on the line with me until I get there."

Aradia blushed and stuck out her legs from the bench, examining them. "Alright."

"So do we know who all's gonna be there?" Sollux asked. "I mean, it's at Nepeta's, so I'm sure Equius will be there, don't you think?"

"Yeah, you're right," Aradia said thoughtfully. "They're really attached at the hip, aren't they?"

"I thought they were related for the longest time," Sollux laughed.

"Retard," Aradia snorted. They laughed for a few seconds.

Karkat suddenly shifted beside Aradia uncomfortably.

"Shut the fuck up," he whined. "So goddamn annoying, I swear."

"You shut up," retorted Aradia. "It's not my problem if you have a stick lodged half a foot up your ass."

"What's going on?" asked Sollux worriedly. "Is KK acting up?"

"Yeah," Aradia rolled her eyes. "As usual."

**You and Karkat used to be pretty good friends. Until he started turning into some weird JEALOUS, ANGRY bitch. **

**He HATES YOU because YOU'RE CLOSE TO SOLLUX. Which is STUPID. You're not even DATING Sollux and even if you were, it's NONE OF KARKAT'S BUSINESS.**

"Oh, well, I'm about to be there, so maybe he'll be less cranky," Sollux said, clearly beginning to speed up his pace.

Aradia began to pout. She really hated all the attention that Sollux poured over Karkat all the time. It was so annoying how that worked. Karkat was such a jerk! Aradia knew that Karkat desperately wanted friends and desperately wanted to be liked, and so that was a big part of the reason that Sollux never so much as chastised him for his behavior. However, how can you expect to have friends if you don't put in the effort?

Aradia had worked very hard to meet new people, to make friends. Now, she was happier than ever, in the peak of her life, digging almost nonstop now, visiting her little secret cave daily. She was looking seriously into archaeology, and Kanaya was helping her out in her studies. Rose would let them both come over to her house to use her room, which was the coziest fucking thing ever, while Rose watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer or some shit.

The games were finally over, right? The games with Terezi and Vriska and Tavros. That was good, also. The games were over.

Ever since Vriska got too "playful" and Tavros ended up in a wheelchair.

But that didn't matter.

The point was, she was happy now.

Right?

"AA?"

"Oh, sorry, I was spacing out," Aradia spoke into the phone.

"Well, quit and look at me," laughed Sollux. Aradia looked up to see him standing about 15 feet away.

Aradia grinned and hung up her phone, standing to attention. Karkat started at the sight of Sollux and looked away, embarrassed. Sollux ran over and hugged Aradia tightly, picking her up off the ground. Karkat stared at them, clearly jealous, but unwilling to admit it.

Sollux caught Karkat's eye and grinned. "You come here, too man. I haven't seen you in awhile."

"Fuck off," Karkat said, turning away. Sollux responded by grabbing Karkat and embracing him tightly. Karkat hugged him gingerly back.

Aradia felt a pang of annoyance at the display. Sometimes, she was tempted to tell Sollux that if he liked Karkat so goddamned much, maybe he should just go out with him. The only reason she didn't was because she was concerned that he might actually listen to her.

"Well, are we gonna just sit around here, or do we have a party to go to?" Sollux laughed, grabbing Aradia's hand in his left and Karkat's hand in his right.

**Sometimes, it honestly feels like Sollux is dating you AND Karkat.**

When the bus pulled up a few blocks from Nepeta's house, Sollux practically pranced off the bus. It seemed like he was in a great mood. Karkat was even lightening up, starting to crack the occasional joke.

Sollux released their hands only to knock on Nepeta's door. The music thrummed and throbbed from inside. There was already an established vibe, and Aradia could tell that Sollux was ready to be set loose and to go wild.

"Heyyyy~~!" the petite dark skinned girl waved at them. Her fingerless gloves had cats printed on either side. Nepeta's hair was curled for the occasion, and two unassuming cat ears rested atop her head. "Pawllux and Karkitty and Arawrdia~! I'm so glad to see you!"

Aradia smiled. The spunky weaboo girl made good company. Sure, she was insanely annoying and wapanese, but whatever. She was cute.

"Yeah, we made it like we said we would," Karkat rubbed the back of his neck, averting his gaze from Nepeta.

"Great!" Nepeta said. "Well, there's punch over there; I don't think it's spiked yet, but I'm sure it will be soon. Ummm, let's see, there's a makeout closet somewhere around here, and I'm pretty sure people are smoking out back. I think Equius is around here somewhere...be careful, though, he's in a _terrible_ mood."

"What else is new?" Sollux muttered.

Aradia didn't know Equius that well, but he was pretty comical if she did say so herself. She found something about him generally repugnant, but not so repulsive that he couldn't be attractive.

"Oh! Oh, and there's DDR in the guest room," Nepeta said. She waved her hand and took a sip of punch. "Go,go, have fun! It's a free for all; I don't really care about what happens as long as the house gets cleaned."

"That's always important," Aradia said deliberately.

Nepeta giggled and bounded away. She was quickly replaced by Terezi, who was bouncing around and being flirty as usual.

She treated Sollux like a bro, Karkat like a boyfriend, and Aradia like a potential fuck in the future. She was clearly drinking, with her cheeks rosy and her eyes bright.

She offered Aradia a drink, but she politely declined. She wasn't big on the flavor of alcohol. She was going to try to stay sober for the whole night, especially since Sollux was definitely going to get wasted. Karkat was a 50/50 shot. Depended on how much time he spent with Terezi.

"Later~ I'm gonna go find Dave and yank his chain a little," giggled Terezi. "I think he came with John. I wonder if I can finagle a little somethin'-somethin.'"

She strode away, laughing hysterically.

Karkat shook his head. "I just don't know about her sometimes."

"TZ's pretty goddamned cool," Sollux nodded. Karkat visibly bristled. Aradia smirked at his reaction.

Karkat frowned. It was clear that he wasn't going to leave Sollux's side for a minute and that sort of pissed Aradia off. But she knew that Sollux would talk to Karkat before he did to her. Karkat was always always priority one no matter what anyone else said. He insisted that what he felt for Karkat was platonic, that he really liked Aradia, that he really wanted to be with her, but he couldn't, not until everything with Karkat was smoothed out.

Aradia decided that she didn't want to stick around for much longer and watch Karkat shoot her smug, triumphant looks every time Sollux ignored her to talk to him. She didn't want to sit there and watch herself become last priority, so she excused herself to go catch up with Terezi and Dave.

She really liked them. She liked all of Terezi's friends, really. She was on the boat where she had _feelings_ for Karkat, which was something that Aradia could never ever pretend to understand. Just the thought of him made her scowl. She loved Karkat, at the end of the day after everything was said and done, but damn he was so annoying.

"Aradia!" cried a high voice.

"John?" Aradia spun on her heel. "Hi there!"

"Hi," John said breathlessly. He laughed airily, scrunching his eyes up cutely. This was yet another boy that had _feelings _for both Karkat and Dave, just like Terezi. This was really just a feelings jam, wasn't it?

Everyone had their feelings just chilling out and being presented to everyone with a pulse.

"Oh, I think Vriska wanted to talk to you," John said absently after a few moments of silence. Oh, how could Aradia forget? That was another person that John had _feelings_ for.

She looked John over.

This boy. He was destined to be a whore.

"Aradia?" John asked. His face was unabashed idiocy, all naivete and trust. It sort of made her want to hug him. But that didn't mean that he wasn't going to be a whore. She could just see it now, that little sweet face scrunched up in confusion. There was no way he was going to be able to handle himself in college, with all those opportunities and all that sex.

Aradia felt a wave of crippling sadness. Poor Egbert. She hoped he stuck with Dave. He would be good for John. Oh wait, didn't Egbert actually say something a minute ago?

"Oh, yeah, Vriska, that's right," laughed Aradia. Where was the bitch. Where was she.

John smiled again. "It seemed important."

"Thanks, John," Aradia smiled, ruffling his dark locks. She went off to find Vriska in the mass of bodies.

She hated Vriska. With all her heart. After what she did to Tavros, there was no room in her heart for understanding or sympathy. Vriska was a bitch with severe personality issues. Terezi had once confided that it was Vriska's mother's fault that she had turned out this way.

Aradia didn't care.

After about twenty minutes of looking, Aradia gave up. She didn't really care that much anyways. She would probably run into Vriska sooner or later.

Aradia stepped out onto the patio, which was, for the most part, deserted. Nobody really came out here until the sun had safely sunk down the horizon and they wanted to go crazy.

She slid to the wooden floor and sat down. She pulled her knees to her chest, burying her face in her legs. She felt so much lonelier than she had in such a long time.

It was Karkat's fault. It was Sollux's fault. Who was she going to blame?

It was her own fault.

She thought that if she surrounded herself with friends and acted like everything was okay, then everything would just magically be okay. But that wasn't how life worked. Things weren't really okay until you made them okay.

She loved Sollux so much. Too much.

He played with her, always played with her. Grabbed her by the heartstrings and tugged. Treated her like a puppet.

He could never make up his mind. One day, he just loved her so much. He would bring her candy and flowers and flirt like there was simply no tomorrow. The next day, he was telling Karkat that he didn't want her like that at all and he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Aradia never knew how Sollux really felt about her, was never aware of where she stood. He apologized all the time, talking about how much he hated himself. He always talked about how sorry he was, how much he cared about her, how much he needed her.

It hurt a lot more than she ever admitted. She was always sitting on the sidelines, waiting for him.

Karkat was the obstacle.

She knew he was.

That's why she hated him.

Karkat was the problem, the thing that kept her from being with Sollux. But for some reason, Karkat was one of her closest friends, one of those people that she cared deeply about.

Aradia sighed and kicked on leg tentatively. She wondered how Tavros was doing.

When she had visited him in the hospital, he had smiled at her. He told her he was doing great.

He was such a bad liar.

That was why she had turned everyone against Vriska, turned her into a social pariah. She had sicked the ghosts of her past on her, turned everything against her.

She still felt justified, right?

It didn't bother her that Vriska looked like her puppy had been shot when everyone ignored her.

It didn't bother her that Terezi begged her not to get involved, saying that she would only get hurt if she did. She did what she had to do to get revenge.

All these feels were suffocating for Aradia, and they were starting to choke her. She felt so many things, her heart was pulled in so many directions.

Why had Vriska done it?

What was happening to Aradia's life?

She was seized with a fear that she was going to be alone forever. She could feel it in her bones; she was going to lose Sollux any day now. Karkat was going to admit that the only reason he ever acted civil towards her was to please Sollux and that he didn't care about her at all. Kanaya was going to move on with her life; they were going to drift apart. Terezi was going to hook up with someone, maybe Dave. Then she would see less and less of her friend. Everyone was going to drift away, and all Aradia would be left with are her rocks, her precious rocks.

This was the peak of her life, the high point.

If that was the case

**Then why are you more miserable than ever before?**

"I don't know what to do," Aradia murmured.

"About what?" there was a ginger, deep voice. Aradia's head snapped up to see Equius looking aghast at the sight of her. He looked at her apologetically from behind his cracked glasses. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Aradia said, shocked. The sight of the giant man was enough to immediately staunch her tears.

"Are you sure?" Equius asked, sitting next to her. "It doesn't seem like it."

The first thing Aradia noticed was the smell. He smelled overwhelmingly of sweat and...water. Honestly, just the scent of water.

It was a generally unpleasant odor, but something one could get accustomed to relatively quickly.

"Yeah, it's fine," Aradia said.

It was an obvious lie, and they both knew it. But he was kind enough not to point it out. They sat in silent for several moments, a comfortable silence.

"Well, if that's the case," Equius started to get up. "I guess I should leave you alone."

"No," Aradia surprised herself. "Please stay."

**You don't want to be ALONE.**

"Okay," said Equius bashfully. Aradia got the distinct impression that very few people were kind to him. Of course, sans Nepeta. She adored Equius.

Which was nice.

The two of them made small talk and chattered about frivolous things for several minutes. Those minutes crawled into half an hour which crawled into an hour.

They were talking about horses at the end.

"Horses?" Aradia laughed. "Are we still talking about the same thing?"

"Yes, yes, I promise," Equius said solemnly. "They are the most noble animal."

Aradia gaped at him and burst into laughter. Her stomach felt like it was going to split open. "Noble?"

"Yes, noble," Equius insisted, but he was smiling, too.

They sat quietly again for several moments. It was starting to get dark.

Sollux hadn't come looking for her.

It had been a long time. And he hadn't even tried to find her.

Suddenly, Aradia caught a flicker of blue through the screen. She stood up abruptly, apologizing to Equius.

"I have to go talk to Vriska," she explained.

Equius nodded seriously, and waved slowly. Aradia dashed inside and called out to Vriska.

"You smell _awful_," were the first words out of her mouth. Her lips curled into a soft smile. "Been hanging out with Equius, have you?"

"Yeah," said Aradia sheepishly. "So John said you were looking for me?"

"Oh," Vriska looked surprised. "Not for anything in particular. I was just wanting to hang out since it's been awhile since we talked."

"I see," Aradia looked down, embarrassed. Whenever she was away from Vriska, her hatred for her was overpowering, but in her presence, she was just bashful and stutter-ish.

Vriska offered her some punch, which Aradia gulped gratefully.

"But this is pretty good timing..."

"Timing?"

"Or bad timing, depending on how you look at it. I was just looking for you just now because there's something I wanted to show you," Vriska had to fight to keep her lips from curling into a smirk.

Aradia's heart sank.

"What is it?"

"Something your _boyfriend_ is up to," Vriska sneered, dropping any kind pretenses. Her voice was dripping with hostility. She was downright intimidating.

Aradia felt tears welling in her eyes despite herself. She shrank beneath Vriska's withering gaze.

"He's not my boyfriend," Aradia clarified. Vriska rolled her eyes dramatically and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"Whatever. I thought you should see this."

Aradia withered. "What is it?"

**You don't know why you asked.**

**You didn't want to know the answer.**

**You didn't want to know.**

"Come with me," Vriska said somberly. She turned on her heel, gesturing for Aradia to follow her.

"You really like him, don't you?" Vriska asked softly.

Aradia didn't answer.

"Oh, come on. Your secret's safe with me," she purred.

Aradia still didn't answer. She was about to faint, just being in Vriska's presence. She wished Terezi was here to protect her. Terezi always stood up to Vriska.

"Ugh, fine, don't tell me," Vriska whined. Suddenly, a scream colored the air.

"What was that?" Aradia was startled. Vriska's shoulders shook in soundless laughter.

"Why don't you take a look for yourself?" Vriska giggled, gesturing to a cracked door.

**Don't open it don't open it don't open it don't open it.**

**You know you don't want to see what's inside. **

**Dread. No. Don't open it please please please.**

She opened the door.

A loud moan, the squeak of bed springs, quick breath.

All these things congealed and burned. The picture was forever burned into her brain, the image imprinted upon her forever, the initial pain and disgust and hate all frozen in the one frame.

What did she see?

Sollux's dick rammed high up Karkat's ass. That's what she saw.

Her worst fear. That's what she saw. Everything that she had prayed wouldn't happen. Everything that she had told herself would never happen.

She knew it she knew it she knew it she knewitsheknewit.

She knew that she would never have a real chance.

She knew that Karkat would be the undoing of their relationship.

She knew that this would end badly.

But it still felt like a punch to the stomach. She hadn't expected this. She had, but she never thought...

Seeing it in flesh and speculating were two different things.

Karkat moaned, braced on his elbows and knees. He was so damn loud, Aradia noted. Her eyes glazed over and the reek of alcohol practically jumped out of the room.

She didn't want to see anymore. She didn't want to know.

She didn't want to watch the man she loved passionately fuck the brains out of someone else.

She just didn't want to.

Easing the door closed, she turned to Vriska, whose face was a big goofy mask of excitement and anticipation.

"Well?" she prodded.

"Well what," Aradia shrugged. "I don't care."

But even as she said the words, tears cascaded down her high cheekbones.

"Aw, baby, come here," Vriska's face was suddenly sympathetic. She drew Aradia close. Aradia felt hysterical; she could still hear Sollux's grunts and Karkat's strained screams.

She clutched Vriska, who led her away.

Vriska stroked her hair gently.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay, it's alright," Vriska sounded strangely genuine. Aradia needed someone, anyone to comfort her. She just needed to be held, at that moment, that was the only thing she wanted.

Aradia was aware of a door being opened.

"Vriska," a strong, serious voice called. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just comforting a friend," Vriska said innocently. The other voice belonged to Terezi. It was hard to tell without the theatrical flourishes, but yes, this was definitely Terezi.

"Get away from her," she growled. "Why did you show her? I hate you, I hate you so much."

"She had a right to know didn't she? I'm just trying to comfort her now," Vriska said.

"What are you going to do?" Terezi spat. "Where are you taking her?"

"Just somewhere she'll be happier. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it."

Without another word, Vriska spun and closed the door.

"Vriska!"

Terezi's voice was distorted, muffled.

**Don't go with her.**

**That's what everything in your brain is telling you.**

Aradia didn't care. In her head, she saw the images over and over. The rhythmic thrusting of Sollux's hips, those hips that she had seen so many times in jeans. Karkat's clenched fists as he rocked back and forth. How many times had she watched those fists clench around the chains of a swing set? She had to get them out, get them away.

"Where...where?" Aradia asked incoherently. She tried again. "Where are we going?"

"Shhh," Vriska cooed. "Somewhere to make you forget."

"Huh?"

Everything spun, everything felt weird. Like her head wasn't attached to her body.

"Darling, why don't you try to forget about it?" Vriska asked.

"How?" asked Aradia.

"Well, maybe, if you try to...I don't know, have some _fun_?" Vriska chuckled.

"Huh?" Aradia didn't feel capable of anything but monosyllabic responses right now. Fun? What the fuck was Vriska talking about?

And where _were_ they?

Okay, something was definitely wrong. Aradia couldn't feel anything. Everything was spinning, colors glowed too vividly.

Tears ran down her face. She felt exasperated. Everything was off, all the colors were wrong. What was happening?

She was aware of something being tied around her wrists. And man's low chuckle rang.

Who was that? She didn't remember seeing anyone else.

Then she was on her back, her hair dragging through the water in a small stream. The smell of fresh dirt filled her nostrils.

"Have _fun_, dearie," she could hear Vriska's silken voice above her. "Fun? You do remember what that is, don't you?"

"Vris..ka?"

"Don't worry, Aradia. This shouldn't hurt a bit." The man slipped his hands under Aradia's back and slid her jeans off.

"No," Aradia kicked feebly. "Stop."

"Oh, come on, Aradia, it's fine. Thanks to that lovely little drug I slipped in the punch I gave you, you'll be fine," Vriska's voice was all mal-intentions and hate.

"Why?" Aradia sobbed softly. "Why?"

"Because I hate everything," Vriska spat. "I hate everything so goddamned much. I just want to rip you to shreds. Thought your stunt was cute, didn't you? Turning all my friends against me? Thought you were being a cool kid, didn't you? Avenging Tavros? This was _none of your business_!"

Aradia couldn't stop her tears. Her grip on reality was fading. She felt pain, sharp, acute pain spread through her as the man slipped into her. This was her punishment, was it?

**You can't move.**

**You can't do a damn thing.**

"Please," Aradia begged. Her whole body ached. The man above her grunted animalistically. This made her squeak with fright.

"Aradia, darling. I'm sorry. But I can't help myself," Vriska said with something that sounded like sincerity. "I'm so sorry. But this is something I have to do. I need my revenge."

"Why?" Aradia repeated the word over and over and over as a chant.

"It's a shame we couldn't play together again," Vriska whined regretfully. She flipped out something that shimmered in the light.

It was a camera.

"So sorry, dear," she said before flipping the switch to record.

"No, no, no, _no,_" Aradia screamed, mustering all of her willpower. "_Stop!_"_  
><em>

The man took no notice, instead chuckling. Aradia struggled beneath him, squirming. This made him frustrated, and her grabbed her hair.

"Quit moving around."

Aradia obeyed, wishing for nothing more than oblivion. She wanted nothing more than to die.

She didn't want to look at anything ever again.

Every nerve inside of her died.

She didn't think anything, she didn't feel anything.

Aradia died that night, and left behind an empty shell.

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is Aradia Megido and you're done telling your story. That's the end.<strong>

**That was the end of your life.**

Everyone spins it now, because no one knows the true story. They say that it was Sollux's fault, that he was having sex with Karkat because he knew that she would see him and then give up on him.

It doesn't matter to her, not really.

She's kind of just okay with everything.

Her heart broke when she realized she'd never have Sollux, and that stranger, that man who had violated her so violently, he pounded out every emotion that she wanted to feel.

The blood that spilled out of her body so generously for hours. The look on Vriska's face as she stopped recording. Triumphant, melancholy, pitiable. The laughter of that man.

**The feeling when you realized that Sollux wasn't going to come save you.**

**Everyone uses your ABRUPT PERSONALITY CHANGE to say that Sollux isn't a good friend.**

**They don't understand that THIS and THAT have nothing to do with each other.**

Sollux and Karkat still blame themselves. She let them. She didn't care enough to correct them. Sollux had been so careful with Aradia since that night, so gentle and kind, so full of guilt.

He heard the story that everyone else has.

**Of course, you realize that anyone that gets told the story won't hear about WHAT HAPPENED WITH VRISKA and THAT MAN.**

**They'll only hear about HOW INSENSITIVE SOLLUX IS for HAVING SEX RIGHT THERE WITH YOU IN THE HOUSE.**

**You are positive that this is all FEFERI PEIXES is hearing. Good.**

**That's all she should hear. **

Aradia sighed and spun around in her rolling chair. She was cold, even though she had layered tree jackets over each other.

She was always cold.

After all, the dead are always cold, aren't they?

* * *

><p><strong>I legitimately cried writing this chapter. ;A;<br>It hurt, man. I had this planned from Chapter 3, but I still wasn't looking forward to writing it at all. Just want to get it out of the way. It sucked, like, I started flinching every time I tried to write the part where she walks in the room.  
>Poor Aradia, man, she's got my heart all twisted up. But that's the point, I guess.<br>Leave a review, please~  
>Also, I would appreciate the feedback on this particular point: Should I re-rate this to be M? I mean, I don't know, I feel like the story as a whole isn't M, but this particular chapter <em>is<em>. Hm, please drop an opinion on it.**


	10. Chapter 10

**_Screams! I did it! Oh goodness, wow, another chapter, how long has it been, like a month literally oh my goodness I'm so sorry I promise it won't happen again. I'm sorry I suck. (_u m u_)_**

**_With that, go, read! kjhfksiue also read the notes at the end please thank you _**

* * *

><p>"Oh my goodness," Feferi touched her mouth gingerly, unsure of how to respond. She knew that Sollux and Karkat were close, but...? And yes, she even remembered her brief conversation with Sollux about it, but she had almost completely forgotten about all that.<p>

**Christ…they _actually had sex_?**

Feferi quietly folded and unfolded her hands in her lap, not sure where to look. Rose gripped her hand tightly.

"Feferi?" she said quietly, while Kanaya frowned deeply.

"Uh, uh, no, it's fine, I'm really not surprised, it's fine," Feferi laughed nervously.

"We're not saying Sollux isn't a lovely piece of ass, of course," Terezi said abruptly, "I mean, it's just that you should... proceed with caution."

"Yes, yes, I will. Thanks," Feferi murmured.

**You try to settle these churning THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD. You wonder absently about Aradia and suddenly your gut TIGHTENS and you feel really bad about everything. **

**Even when you are popping popcorn with the girls and watching movies, you can't get these troubling thoughts out of your head.**

**Even when you are LYING ON A HUGE BLANKET next to Rose and Terezi, you still can't get these THOUGHTS out of your HEAD.**

Feferi tossed and turned on the blanket and frowned. How was she going to face Sollux now that she knew what he had done? She couldn't believe it, if she was being perfectly honest. Sollux had always told her everything, every little mundane, arbitrary detail of his day. But he never, _ever_ talked about Karkat like that.

Feferi supposed that this was one of _those_ topics. Those topics that you knew you weren't supposed to get into… because they were private, they were personal, and you have absolutely no reason to pry.

Like where the scars on his back came from.

That was one of _those _topics.

Regardless, she had to talk to him! She simply had to get this sorted out otherwise she would never truly find peace. She churned especially hard, and felt a warm hand on hers.

"Feferi," came a slow whisper. It was Rose. She turned to look at Feferi in the face.

Feferi gulped. She was being rude.

"There are a lot of things that even we cannot account for, several facts that we do not possess. So please don't wind yourself up about it. Sollux certainly cares very much for you, this is something of which I am certain," Rose smiled sleepily and squeezed Feferi's hand. She turned over and went back to sleep before Feferi had the opportunity to form coherent words.

Slowly, her thoughts began to sink into oblivion. She felt calmed by the sound of the ceiling fan click clicking as it made revolution after revolution.

_Vriska Serket._

Why had she shown Aradia what Sollux and Karkat were doing in the first place?

Was she really doing it out of the goodness of her heart? Terezi said that Vriska took Aradia outside afterwards and then shut her mouth almost immediately, something that Feferi had found notably suspicious.

Feferi wondered what had been crossing Vriska's mind. Plus, why had she pushed Tavros off a cliff? That was another thing that Terezi mentioned.

What had happened that night? Feferi got the distinct sense that she was missing something important, perhaps about Vriska herself.

Rolling around, the small girl felt the thoughts banging around in her brain, stretching her skull. It was a stark contrast from the monochrome nights she had spent before all this, when she lay in bed thinking about how best to placate Eridan should he ever go on a homicidal rampage.

Life was far more complicated now, but it was also something far more luminous. She let her thoughts wander over to Eridan's thin, wiry self and his big watery eyes.

She let her mind wander to Aradia's cold, deadened eyes, Karkat's long sleeved shirts, his fingers barely visible… Sollux, his eyes shaded by his glasses… His teeth lazily covered by his pink, smiling lips…

The very thought of Sollux made her smile gently. He was everything light and good about the world, yet had these crosshatched shadows all around him.

The biggest ones were Aradia and Karkat, of course.

But Feferi couldn't shake the feeling that the real culprit behind this _darkness_, Aradia's depression, and Karkat's cagey behavior, was **Vriska Serket** herself.

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is Vriska Serket and you are SEVEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

"Mommy!" Vriska ran down the sidewalk hurriedly. Her new shoes scuffled on the hot white pavement as she ran, grinning widely. She held her trophy in her arms, feeling like she could take on the world.

"Mommy!" Vriska slammed open the regal front door and panted as she looked around, crazed. Her smile showed black gaps in between the teeth; she had been losing her teeth a lot lately.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Vriska, could you at least pretend like you're not the noisiest, most annoying little girl ever?" came the slurred words from the couch. Vriska recoiled automatically. She had assumed that her mother would be in a good mood. After all, her new stepfather had bought a new TV yesterday, a big screened one with really crisp images.

"Um...mommy, I won the spelling bee in my grade, so they gave me a trophy," Vriska's bottom lip trembled as she held out the trophy feebly. Her mother stirred slowly on the couch, looking up at Vriska. Her eyes were bloodshot, and a bit of liquor dribbled from her slightly agape mouth.

She sighed and gestured for Vriska to come closer. Vriska's eyes lit up immediately. Could it be true? Maybe her mom was proud of her! She wondered if her mom would hug her, just like in all the TV shows and movies that Karkat told her to watch. Maybe her mom would even kiss her forehead and ruffle her hair, and tell her she was proud of Vriska. Maybe she would say she loved Vriska and tell her that they didn't have to keep moving from house to house, from mean stepfather to mean stepfather.

Maybe this would be the day when everything would be turned around and then maybe they could go somewhere far aw-

**Your mother slaps the trophy out of your hands. It smashes on the ground in a hundred pieces. You stare at it and don't say anything. You don't do anything. But most importantly, you don't cry.**

**You _definitely_ do not cry.**

"Vriska," she barked, "Would you please not bother me with stupid, pointless shit!_ O__h my God_, I'm trying to take a nap!"

"Yes, ma'am," Vriska murmured.

"What was that?" Vriska's mom yelled. "I couldn't quite _hear _you, my dear."

"I said, yes, ma'am!" Vriska repeated. Her s's were a little whistle-y because of her missing teeth, but she hoped her mom wouldn't make a fuss about it.

Thankfully, she didn't. Instead, she turned over and sipped from a brown paper bag again.

**This was the day that you realized something very important.**

**Very important.**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is VRISKA SERKET. You are ELEVEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

Vriska was sitting on the wood lining of the sandbox. A girl was playing inside of it, giggling, even though she was all by herself. Why wasn't she sad? She should have been sad. She should have been lonely and crying and sad because no one was playing with her.

Vriska stared at her for several moments until the girl met her gaze. She grinned sweetly and beckoned for Vriska to come play with her.

Vriska smiled at the girl in return, flashing her teeth dangerously. When she looked at the girl with her short, cropped hair, she saw herself. She saw herself looking at new house after new house, waiting for new opportunity after new opportunity, new school after new school.

She was so tired of working to make her mom proud.

People had told her all her life that she wasn't good enough, smart enough, nor pretty enough.

Vriska stood at her full height and walked over slowly to the girl. Slowly, the girl's small, pixie face registered the threatening loom that Vriska had suddenly inherited.

**You don't want friends, you don't need anybody, you don't need it, you don't need ANYBODY.**

The girl scrambled back a few feet, clearly trying to get away from Vriska. Everything was in slow motion, like it was underwater. She wanted to hurt this girl, to tear her limb from limb, to_ hurt_ her.

She kicked the girl. Repeatedly.

The girl fell, splayed in the sand and sniffled loudly.

"What's your name?" asked Vriska threateningly. Suddenly, the girl turned to her, no longer looking feeble and afraid.

"Terezi Pyrope," snarled the girl. She swept one hand up and slapped Vriska across the face. "And you're a bitch."

The girl stood up angrily, and wiped the sand off of her jumper, tears running down her dirtied face. She glared at Vriska and turned on her heel and walked away.

As the girl, Terezi, began to disappear, Vriska touched her cheek gingerly, a smile spreading widely on her face. She felt like every nerve ending was on fire, like every piece of her was lit with life.

Terezi Pyrope may as well have been walking around with a target on her back. This was it.

This was it!

She would beat and abuse that girl until she begged for an end, she would strangle her and bite her and scream at her until she was in tears, until everything was over. She would make Terezi Pyrope understand that it was not okay to be happy when you're alone. She would show Terezi that everything sucked and that there was no point in fighting.

**You would be doing her a FAVOR. You would show her what YOUR MOTHER SHOWED YOU that day she broke your trophy.**

**THERE'S NO POINT IN TRYING TO LIVE HONORABLY.**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is VRISKA SERKET and you are FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

"Mom?" Vriska walked into the study feebly and looked at the back of a chair. Her mother's silken hair fell in waves over the red fabric.

"What," she snapped, not bothering to inflict any inquisitive hitch in her voice. Vriska flinched slightly at that. Her mother swung her hand proudly, the obnoxious rock on her ring finger catching in the light. She had remarried recently; it was her fourth husband or something since Vriska could remember.

"I'm going to hang out with some friends. I should be back in-"

"Don't care," her mother lolled lazily. She turned around in the chair, smiling softly. Vriska forced a smile. The last thing she needed was her mother kicking her out. She would do it, too. She didn't give a shit.

Vriska's mother was attractive, tall and thin and glib. She had a silk voice and satin skin, and her personality seemed to be sweet and understanding, clumsy, shy and earnest.

**But you know better.**

**Your mother is a gold-digging, manipulative, sadistic _whore_.**

Vriska hated and loved her mother. She could remember kind caresses when she was supposed to be asleep, small favors done, the scent of her mother's expensive perfume on her belongings as opposed to the cold, chaste slaps and the angry smiles and the disappointment.

Vriska locked eyes with her mother for several moments. Then, she turned and left. She tried her best to leave a cold air behind her, because if there was one thing that Vriska had realized, it was that the only thing that made her mother happy was when she acted just like her.

When Vriska finally made it to her destination, she could tell that Tavros wasn't aware of her. His back was turned to her and he stood quietly, staring at the sky. She honestly couldn't stand Tavros.

He was everything that she wasn't allowed to be. Weak, shy, meek, feeble. He was bashfully cheerful, hesitantly earnest, and annoyingly helpful.

**And he had, on occasion, coerced your FRUSTRATIONS out of you. With his stupid little GOOFY SMILE and his "aw, shucks," BULLSHIT, he had even gotten you to cry.**

**And so you HATE HIM.**

"Taaavros," Vriska called, her smile playing her face. Tavros turned around in surprise. When he saw her, he ducked his head shyly. He always seemed to have a mixed reaction to seeing her. He was simultaneously threatened and excited.

"Ah, uh, hi Vriska!" Tavros shuffled awkwardly at the edge of the cliff. His eyes darted nervously, unsure of where to look.

"So what's up?" she asked, smiling threateningly. She was in one of her moods now, looking at Tavros's delicious frame. He shrugged nonchalantly, noncommittally.

"Uh…not much, I was just waiting for Terezi to come so we could hang out."

This made Vriska twitch.

She had been fighting this one-upmanship battle with Terezi for as long as she could remember. Since the day she had harassed Terezi in the sandbox, it had been day after day of seeing who could finish which test faster, who could run faster, who could make more friends, who could wear better clothes.

If Vriska was being honest with herself, she absolutely adored the relationship; she needed it. She needed someone to abuse without feeling any guilt. Terezi almost begged her for it, begged her for the competition, and Vriska needed it, needed it.

And here was Tavros, who was a pawn to Vriska. She needed to utilize him the best she could to show Terezi. She would show her. She would. She wasn't anything special. Vriska was better.

And soon, that whore would know it.

"Uh, Vriska?" Tavros grinned as he peered at Vriska's face. Vriska snapped out of her trance suddenly, surprised at his proximity. "Is everything okay?"

**Why was this idiot so nice to you?**

**He started to ramble about how worried he'd been about you, blah blah, were you okay, blah, how were things with Terezi, blah.**

"Also, Vriska, I've been meaning to talk to you," Tavros started hesitantly. This caught Vriska's attention immediately. He didn't normally start off a conversation like that, and she had noticed that he had been stalling and rambling a lot more than usual.

And then he started telling her, in that befuddling, shy way of his that he sort of maybe kind of liked her a little bit.

**But you BARELY remember any of this. Because your heart dropped. Because you remembered every time that people called you a BITCH, every time your mother told you that no one WOULD EVER LOVE YOU. Because you felt such pure unadulterated FEAR.**

**And you stood up, looked at Tavros, and shoved him off the cliff.**

**It was for his own good. **

**You were making him stronger.**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is VRISKA and you are still FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

By the time she got home, Vriska couldn't even feel her legs. When Vriska swung open the door, she felt an instant chill and immediately grimaced. She would never understand her mother's insistence on keeping the temperature at a whopping 65 degrees.

** You trudge upstairs, praying that your mom is passed out drunk in the bathroom or something so you won't have to deal with her. **

By the time Vriska collapsed on her bed, she was ready to go to sleep. But first, she had to deal with some homework. Didn't want teachers getting pissy or anything.

Christ, she really needed to get her mind off of all this.

All day, she had to deal with Terezi's dirty looks and Tavros in a goddamn wheelchair. He rolled around with little black gloves so he wouldn't burn his little dark hands and it was heart-melting and sad and_ fuck_ it sucked so bad.

And then there was Aradia, who had stood elegantly by Vriska's locker at the end of the school day, a small smug smile just sitting on her face.

That had really pushed Vriska's buttons. She had opened up the locker, searching for some sort of scathing hate note or something because that was something that had Aradia written all over it. Aradia was someone that thought they were being really hardcore whenever they showed even the slightest retaliation.

It was one of the reasons that Vriska found her so aggravating.

However, the locker had been clean, so Vriska had grabbed her bookbag and slammed her locker, catching some of Aradia's hair in it.

**But you SERIOUSLY need to stop THINKING about this and get cracking on your HOMEWORK.**

Vriska sighed and breathed in and out, slowly. Ugh, this was exhausting. And by that, she meant that _living _was exhausting.

Vriska grabbed the zipper and slid it gracefully around the bag. She fetched her binder, and noticed that the slip in the front no longer held her homework.

**It was FULL of PHOTOGRAPHS. **

Vriska screeched and dropped the binder like it was on fire. Picture after picture after picture of people, people's whose lives she had made miserable, hellish. She didn't want to see this.

This was what that whore had been doing, loitering around her locker.

How did Aradia get into her things, her backpack? Anger bubbled in her chest, all the way up to her throat.

She was going to get her back for this.

Jesus, look at them all.

**You didn't want to do it.**

Look, it was Tobias Chen, the boy who had asked her out, so she burned his dog to death while he was asleep.

Ah, and there was Regina Samson, who used to come over to Vriska's house every single day until her mother told her that Regina was a loser and thus made Vriska a loser. Regina transferred schools two months later, begging her parents and saying that she was being bullied. She wouldn't cough up a name.

Camela Evans, who had trusted Vriska with all her heart. Who Vriska had destroyed.

**YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT. YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HURT ANY OF THEM, YOU WANTED TO BE THEIR FRIEND THEIR VERY BEST FRIEND ALL OF THEM BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THAT YOU COULDN'T YOU COULDN'T YOU HAD TO YOU HAD TO-**

Vriska buried her head in her blankets and looked at the pictures scattered on the floor. They had been cut out of newspapers, out of yearbooks. They hurt.

**YOU DIDN'T WANT TO, BUT IT WAS NECESSARY**

They all hurt so badly that she couldn't speak. There were so many.

**YOU NEVER WANTED TO DO IT YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT THEM IT WAS AN ACCIDENT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT NO IT WASN'T YOU CAN'T EVEN LIE TO YOURSELF-**

It was like she was being haunted. She began to cry because there was no escaping it, there was no excusing it, there was no retribution and there was nothing she could do to redeem herself ever _ever_.

**YOU HATE EVERYTHING EVERYTHING YOU HATE IT ALL YOU WANT TO MAKE IT GO AWAY GO AWAY YOU DIDN'T WANT TO YOU DIDN'T WANT TO YOU DIDN'T WANT TO**

* * *

><p><strong>Three days later was Nepeta's party.<strong>

**Four days later, an older man that you had been blackmailing named DOC SCRATCH beat you SO BADLY that your left eye is literally useless. YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.**

**And the NEXT WEEK, with a bandage over your eye, you can tell that everyone is PLEASED BY THIS.**

**Especially TEREZI, who stares at you with a certain PLEASURE, a certain PRIVATE ENJOYMENT.**

"So you thought you would tell Doc Scratch, did you? Thought you would get the best of me?" Vriska rammed Terezi against a wall, who responded by cackling loudly.

"All I did was let him know that you're a cheating bitch that's been setting him up from day one. You're blackmailing a man about an affair that you set up with a prostitute that, oh yeah, you're also blackmailing," Terezi fixed her eyes on Vriska's right, "I didn't tell him to retaliate so harshly."

"Why'd you do it, Terezi, just because you found it in the bottom of your heart to get involved with my private affairs?" Vriska growled. They were in the bathroom, which was where a majority of their hatred and spite flew.

Terezi's face suddenly fell, all the glory evaporated, "I know what you did to her."

"To who?" Vriska found herself with the upper hand. Licking her lips slowly, she felt a smile caress her face. And the more glee she expressed, the more Terezi shifted uncomfortably. It was _delicious_.

"Shut up," Terezi spat. Vriska chuckled to herself.

"Oh, Terezi, baby, you shouldn't have bothered getting involved. Because you realize that now you're _next_," Vriska could tell that she did indeed know.

She was risking it all, for what?

For _who?_

**That afternoon, you buy ACID. BORIC ACID. **

"What is it now?" groaned Terezi as she walked in the threshold of Vriska's house, "You never invite me over. It's like an unwritten rule."

"Oh, I just thought it would be a good opportunity to talk," cooed Vriska falsely. Terezi saw through it clearly, and the other girl narrowed her eyes.

"Is that so?" she drawled coyly. "A _talk_."

"A talk," Vriska confirmed, "Have a seat."

Terezi did as told, thinking that she would have the advantage because she was expecting something anyways. It wasn't like she would be caught off guard.

"So have you heard the saying, 'an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind'?" asked Vriska, standing behind her kitchen counter. She palmed the bottle of acid gently.

"Yes, I am perfectly aware. It's quite just if you think about it," said Terezi, fiddling with her hair, "I mean, unless you subscribe to something more…Draconian, you know, losing a hand for stealing, etc, you know, it's just… an equivalent exchange or mercy?"

She got a clouded, dreamy look in her eyes, reminding Vriska of how badly Terezi wanted to be a lawyer. Slowly, slowly, Vriska walked over to Terezi, listening to her drabble. She tucked the bottle in her pocket. As she got closer and closer to Terezi on the chair, she thumbed it.

Then she gripped the bottle tightly and splashed it in Terezi's shocked face. She had caught her off guard.

Terezi screamed so loudly that everything sounded like it was reverberating with sound waves. Vriska panted, already exhausted. She straddled Terezi on the chair.

"I happen to subscribe to the philosophy that believes in dealing back what has been given to you twofold. In a more…_literal_ sense."

**You listen to Terezi's chorus of SCREAMS with open ears, forcing yourself to listen. THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT.**

**THERE IS NO GOING BACK.**

**THERE IS NO ESCAPE.**

* * *

><p><strong>Your name is VRISKA and you are SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD.<strong>

"Hey Vriska, is everything okay?"

Vriska looked over to the boy again, his big toothy expression overwhelming. He smiled bashfully and ducked his head a little, his glasses sliding to his nose a little bit.

"Fine, John," Vriska said off-handedly. John clearly wasn't buying it, and he made sure to make that clear with his theatrical "that's bullshit by golly!" look.

He stared at her for several moments before touching her hand gingerly.

"When are you going to tell me what happened with Aradia?" he asked. Vriska started at this, momentarily wondering if he could read minds.

"How did you-"

John nodded at the picture in Vriska's hands. Oops. She didn't even remember picking it up. It was the picture of Aradia that she had ripped out of the yearbook. She had long since added it to her binder, her binder that she kept hidden at all times in the back of her closet.

She sighed deeply and sat it in her lap. Aradia's smiling, crinkled, naive eyes stared back at her, judging her, shaming her.

She remembered every crisp detail of that night, every scent and emotion and every scream. She had thought that hurting Aradia would make her feel better, just like she thought that hurting Tavros would fix everything. Just like she thought that blinding Terezi would satisfy her.

It didn't.

She felt worse than ever, afraid to look at John, afraid to go to school, afraid to think about Aradia, afraid to remember who the man even was.

Her stepfather.

Her stepfather had offered to rape her friend.

Because that was what Aradia had been. Her friend.

The whole situation had been so insane, so scary. Terezi, Vriska, and Tavros all incapacitated, and Aradia miserable. It was different with Terezi and Tavros, they had both almost gone _out of their fucking way_ to be near her. But Aradia was

**She**

**She didn't DO ANYTHING WRONG.**

Vriska huffed and sighed deeply. She ruffled John's hair and hoped that he would never find out what she really was.

"I'll tell you about it later, okay?"

"You always say that!" huffed John. He crossed his arms petulantly and kicked his feet out, crossing them at the ankles. He rolled his eyes and looked at Vriska expectantly.

"Haha," Vriska teased, "I will. Promise."

Vriska had long since moved out of her mother's. She was living with John and his father now. She didn't deserve this kind treatment, she really didn't.

He was a newer student and Vriska was literally the first person he met. The first thing he tried to do was prank her, and she was caught so off guard that she guffawed and snorted like she was going to die. She laughed so hard that her stomach ached. She laughed so hard that tears streamed down her face.

She laughed so hard that she wanted to be friends with this kid. Even after he found out her reputation, he waited at her locker every single day, unfailingly. Every day, he made Vriska laugh, every day, he made her smile.

And the day he first went over to her house, he met Vriska's mother. And he immediately tensed up, horror striking his ocean eyes. And he invited her to come live with him.

Vriska knew that she didn't deserve it, any of it. She never had, she never would. There was nothing she could do to make up for her actions.

But she was glad that even horrid, disgusting, wretched beings like herself had the opportunity or salvation.

**John is the NICEST person you've ever met.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>an: Okay, so, before I say anything else, Bea is the most kawaii everyone just so you know. She beta'ed this chapter like the kawaii bab she is and is basically the reason I was able to mAKE IT THROUGH. To Bea~!: thank thank, Bea, i'm cry ur just so kawaii and i can't and ur face how do i screeches you qt youre a choice beta shhh and comic sans and pink and i'm literally screaming whisper whisper wonk  
>Her tumblr is pumkinschoicestem and she's choice so thank you for reading and please review~!<br>I love you babies. _u v u**


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